Long time!

Been suffering from an extended case of Writer's block lately. Need to shove off the laziness. However not to worry. That's because my study holz are gonna be happening soon. So i'll be jobless enuff to update this baby.

Travel,A Crazy Baby and Neutrality - 2

Ok, I'm back (Not that anybody cares). Well, the last time I wrote, i mentioned that we were at Margao railway station waiting for our train. Finally when the bloody train arrived,we were so tired that we ended up in the sleeper coach and happily paid 80 bucks extra each to settle there. Now I gotta admit,the route to Belgaum from Margaon was pure and simple heaven. That's the kind of stuff you get to see if you are a traveller. The journey made me realise why they say that Travel broadens a man's horizons. It is because you get to see a completely different side of the world. A world far removed from filth and ugliness. A world showing off its beauty to a few select people. And i was fortunate enough to see it.

Finally, We reached our destination for the next 3 days, Belgaum. Now Belgaum from what i heard is basically an Army cantonment surrounded by a city. Well,City is basically a little too much. It's more like a medium town,Not a small town because it's got something that catapults it out of the unremarkable list of small towns. CAFE COFFEE DAY. Yeah,Humanity's greatest benchmark of civilisation,a coffee shop. Unfortunately we landed at Belgaum railway station at night. Night-time is when all the shady characters turn up out of nowhere. And Belgaum wasn't behind in that league either. Some of the people looked so sinister they wouldn't be out of place in an Edgar Allan Poe short story. Luckily the organisers turned up and got us out of there.

I got into the ubiquitous auto-rickshaw with a couple of guys and we made our way to the hotel where we were to be put up. The hotel's name was Hotel Ramdev which seemed to be the only decent eating joint in the entire place (Don't forget CCD). I entered my room and nearly fainted in shock. There were 18 of us and only 3 rooms. So some last minute adjustments and damage control were done, But the fact remained that there were 5 of us sleeping in a room meant for 2 people. Cramping indeed. However when you are with friends, you tend to concentrate on more interesting things like the cute chicks around you.

I forget to mention one of our sources of Entertainment. Forgive me my Mallu friends if you are offended by this , but please remember, i mean no offence. There was this mallu gal in the next room who apparently thought it prudent to inform us about every damn action planned by her. It was tolerable to a certain extent, but what do you say to "I am in the toilet". Me thinks the hotel's walls are too thin.

The next day we woke up with grumpy faces and even grumpier stomachs thanks to the last night's hakka noodles at some restaurant where it seemed we were the 1st customers in a long time. However, We were at a fest and not on a holiday as was intimated to us by every 2nd person including the bellboy (No tips for you jerkoff!). Now luckily i didn't have any of my rounds that day, so i planned to roam around belgaum, paint the town red, flirt with some PYTs around and do anything that my imagination would permit. Or so i thought. To my horror i realised that i had forgotten about something really important, The Ice-Breaker....

Taking a leaf out of Ekta Kapoor's book

To Be Continued.....(Someday!)

Travel,A Crazy Baby and Neutrality

Lately i've been doing a little bit of travelling here and there. A month back,i got the news that i'll be participating in my 1st ever lone wolf (Solo) business quiz. Now the term business quiz kinda sends shivers down my spine because unlike a regular GK quiz, i can never really get the hang of a business quiz because most questions in a business quiz come under 2 categories, Insanely easy and psychotically tough. And i am the kind of guy who never really likes to prepare for a quiz. So i just set out to Belgaum last week to face what would be a rip-roaring, mind-blasting experience.

Now, I'm not exactly a big fan of travelling. Especially when it comes to Long journeys, God alone knows how i manage to keep my sanity intact at the end of it. Like most Geminis i'm annoyingly restless and when i get restless, without my knowledge i get on other people's nerves. Add to that the consternation in my mind when i came to know that we have to change a train to Belgaum from Goa. But since i was too resigned to my fate, i resisted from cursing the Great Indian Railways(Which for your information is the organisation with the highest number of employees). Now the preparations for Belgaum began.

A typical management fest consists of the following events give or take a couple, Marketing , Stock, Advertising, Finance, Best Manager, HR and of course Business Quiz. Well, I've been a quizzer since my school days and been a pretty decent one at that (The trophies in my shelf stand as a testament to that) but back then, they were mostly general quizzes held at the district level, so the level of competition at that time was pretty easy, but the moment i stepped into college, i knew i was in a totally different ball game. Anyways that's history,will post more on that in some other post. Now as the preparations for this fest began, so did all the craziness. Turns out that we had to take a 1st yr team along too. So there was a little babysitting involved here(Any of my juniors read this,they're gonna kill me). So that led to late night reports, brainstorming sessions , lack of sleep etc.

Finally came the day of the journey, 6 hrs to Margao and 4 hrs to Belgaum from there. The 1st part of the journey was pretty dull, but the journey from Margao to Belgaum was pretty interesting.

Ok,this is turning into an epic,guess i need to wrap it up here for now,will move into the next part later

In The Name Of The Father

Been biding my time lately watching all the insanity around me imagining myself as the calm little centre of this weird world.However things have been pretty interesting lately.Saw a couple of movies over the weekend.

Cash-Ugh!I was seriously disappointed after watching this movie.It had everything going for it,Cool promos,an equally good starcast(excluding Zayed Khan and the gals),an awesome soundtrack,mind blowing cinematography,pulse racing stunts and what not.But,the movie was 100% gloss and absolutely no substance.The movie moved at a sloooooooooooooow pace and the dialogues mostly sucked.The worst part was the writers of the movie tried acting clever and while in 1-2 instances,it actually worked making you go "Cool",the rest of the time you'd just go "Huh,What was that?".Guess we need to stop working on special effects and stunts and work on the stories.

Gandhi,My Father-How does one describe a beautiful work of art?That's exactly how i felt as i walked out of the theatre today,and it influenced the title of this post(and not the daniel day lewis movie as hollywood purists would think).The movie was sheer poetry.You feel every emotion that's portrayed on screen.Darshan Jariwala shows the vulnerable side of Gandhi with finesse.Akshaye Khanna who finally takes a break from overacting in movies like Salaam-e-Ishq and Aap Ki Khatir does some real acting and proves why he's such a fine actor.He brings out the frustration of Harilal Gandhi with perfection.I wish he showed the same dedication in choosing his movies.Shefali Shah is a pleasure to watch as always.She portrays the anguish of a woman caught in a dilemma flawlessly.Bhoomika Chawla is equally good as Gulab Gandhi and makes you want to see more of her.Anil Kapoor is truly a brave soul for having had the balls to invest in this movie.Unfortunately,the theatre was nearly empty,pity for the movie deserves more.Hopefully,it should be sent to the Oscars this time.

Besides all this,life's still the same as always.Having my share of fun.College is kind of getting more interesting now that all the activities have started.Got some serious travelling to do soon.
Anyways,will post more later.

Failure and The Aftermath-2

Picking up from where we left off,I was reeling from the sudden news of results being out.However i got a call from my friend and i liked what i heard.However,i needed some retail therapy to recover.So,went on a bit of a shopping spree(Being generous here).

When you've got a hangover,you look at the world from a different perspective compared to how you look at it normally.1st of all,i think,Malls are over-rated.When people get all excited going "Hey,new mall coming up!!",I fail to share their enthusiasm.The 1st thing i look for in a mall is the food court,2nd the multiplex and 3rd the exit.Don't really give a rat's ass about the rest of the place.

Also,why is it that when they say 50% end of season,they don't really mean it?I always end up missing out on reading the fine print.And 1 more thing i've noticed is,All the big designer stores like Provogue,Indigo Nation or Levis are nearly empty.I always feel pity for the salesmen in there because theirs is a boring life and i'd feel even more pity if they were working on commission.

Coming back to the main issue,Failure can be painful to handle.Only way to handle it according to me is to take it like a man and not take it personally.Why i say this is because,at least you get to learn something good out of it,as long as you ain't overly sensitive.Why i hate failure is because i am my worst critic.Therefore,the kind of mental spanking i give myself is so painful i'm unable to emerge from the ruins for days.

But hell,Life's short,so don't take it too fuckin seriously else it's gonna eat you up.

Failure!

Failure can be defined as the opposite of success.

None of us are strangers to failure.Everybody faces it at some point in their life.It's all about getting used to the feeling.It hurts the most when you have worked hard and are expecting good results and instead you end up with failure.But once you get used to it,It doesn't hurt as much.All you feel is total indifference.

Making The Right Choice

How does one actually decide what is right and what is wrong?This is a question that has been nagging me a lot recently.

One example of it was last week.I had to review a movie for the website i work for.Now,i hated the movie.It was terrible and a strain on my sanity.But unfortunately i had to give it a good review.Now,if you are reading this,you may naively ask "Why?" and if you are worldly wise,you'll know why?But for those who don't,let me explain.Every website has given the movie good reviews except for one lone shining star.But even though my job came with the promise of creative freedom,it was far from it.I ended up following the general opinion.

Now this is where i start to ask myself,why didn't i just follow my gut instinct?Well,I'd loved to have done that,but unfortunately i couldn't because then i'd be accused of being "biased".Well,that's a pity because i know that what i watched was crap.But unfortunately,i am a part of the "thinking audience" which as we know is a minority in our country.The masses however loved the movie and have praised it to the skies.

God,why's this so confusing???

Humiliation!

Warning:The following post contains a lot of negative vibes and is not exactly what i'd describe as feel good reading unless you are a sadist or my enemy.

Humiliation is lowering a person's status in his own eyes as well as other's eyes.

Being experienced in always ending up at the receiving end of humiliation,one would guess that I am used to the feeling.Well,in a way,it's led to heightened anticipation of the feeling in me,but the hurt,depression and self-loathing that follows,Nah,can never get used to it.

I've been a glutton for punishment since i was a child.I've been humiliated for a lot of things which may seem silly to those who did it or for those reading this,but to me,it matters a lot because now when i look back at what all humiliations i've been through,I think that maybe all these incidents have defined me to a major extent.

I have been humiliated for a variety of reasons since the beginning.Maybe the fact that i'm not a very sociable guy,my physical appearance,my lousy sense of timing etc etc.I don't know what,but a lot of ammunition has always been used against me for reasons way beyond my comprehension.Some humiliations can be justified as even i believe that i seriously had them coming,but some of them,i still maintain,i never deserved.They were just actions of pure spite by normal people having abnormal moments and unfortunately for me,my lousy sense of timing brought me in the firing line of their anger burst.

Now the above wouldn't have mattered to me had it not been for my high sensitivity level.Although i am not as sensitive as i used to be when younger,i still hate being embarassed.The problem here is that i never really grew a thick skin like most people i know.I sometimes wish that i could just forget whatever crap people tell me and move on,but sometimes it's just not possible as how much ever i try to forget it,I am not able to.

There are also many occasions where i have been used and taken advantage of by unscrupulous people who were out to pursue their own goals through me.An unfortunate problem i face(So do a lot of others) is that i am a little naive at times.Due to this,i end up trusting the wrong people most of the time.These people make me feel like they are my friends and will always be there for me while they have a good time at my expense and the day i cease to be of any use to them,they start treating me like shit and taking me for granted.

Why i am writing this is because today i went through another humiliation,this one coming after a long time and I seriously need to let off some steam.Now today's incident has left me confused.I don't even know if i had it coming.I'm not as angry about being rebuked by the authority as about the fact that a lot of people who hate me got a great opportunity to have a legitimate laugh at my expense.Now if my guess is right,i'll be the butt of jokes for a few days,then everybody will forget it,i too will forget most of it,but the humiliation will remain and will come up at the most inopportune times.

I know this is just another angry rant,but to be frank,this is what helps me from losing it.And to be frank,from now on,this is gonna be my only response to people who try to mess with my feelings and besides a wise man once remarked "It takes 72 muscles to frown and 34 muscles to smile,But it takes only 4 muscles to show them the finger"

Duh!!

Am feeling kinda disoriented today.Today was the beginning of something that's gonna change my relaxed lifestyle for the next 1 yr.College reopened today.Man,i was feeling so disoriented throughout the day.Imagine,your 1st day in college after nearly 2 months and u end up listening to your lecturer go Bang Bang Boom(atleast that's how it sounded to me)about the rules and regulations and all that jazz.Add to that a nagging headache because of lack of sleep and you got one hell of a day.The highlight of the day was lunch,which was simply mindblowing(Never thought i'd admit to liking vegetarian food).But after that it got worse.The aftereffects of the lunch showed in class.We guys were so damn sleepy,it was a miracle we stayed awake.As soon as college was done,we went home and watched this extremely wacko movie called "Epic Movie".It's supposed to be a spoof of all the big budget movies,but it falls flat on its face half the time.Not worth your time and money.Anyways,brain's run out of thoughts(Like it's gonna be active this late in the night).

Death!!!

Death is the permanent end of the life of a biological organism. Death may refer to the end of life as either an event or condition.

That is how the encyclopedia defines it.When you read it,it sounds so simple and uncomplicated.Sometimes you wish it were that way.But they forgot to add certain points in the definition like sudden,heart-breaking etc.It says,Death may refer to the end of life,but what after that?

The worst deaths can be the ones that are premature(before their time) and sudden(without any warning).They are the ones that cause the most pain because often in these cases,the loved ones don't have a clue that this may be the last time they are seeing the person.What makes it worse is the many things that have been left unsaid which leads the survivor down a self destructive path of "I should have told him/her how much i loved him/her" which in turn leads to suicidal and manic depressive thoughts and in the worst case scenarios,actions.

My experiences with Death have pretty much scarred me for life.It has made me slightly stronger,but also very paranoid.I do not fear my death,but i fear having to live through the death of my loved ones which is a fate worse than death.It is the closest equivalent of what hell may feel like.

Living and Dying By the gun

Whew!!Just got back from Shootout at Lokhandwala.Its tagline says based on true rumors,but how much is true and how much are rumors are kinda hard to gauge in this movie.The plus points of the movie are the way it's been shot,the dialogues and the background music.Also,to an extent,the performances are not bad.However not all is good in this movie.The violence while enjoyable is a little putting off as is the crudeness of the dialogues.Another beef i got with this movie was the absolute wastage of Abhishek Bachchan.Why cast him in that 2 bit role if u are gonna bump him off in like 5 mins.But to be fair,loved his entry in the movie.

The best parts of the movies are the shootout scenes.But,the way some of the criminals are despatched to hell leaves you dissatisfied.Vivek Oberoi is rather inconsistent in the movie.Why i raise this point is because this movie is being hyped up as his comeback vehicle.While in some scenes he's brilliant and freaks you out with his menacing portrayal of Maya Dolas,at some points he just looks like a bad clone of SRK.Tusshar Kapoor is equally freaky,but that beard of his stands out like a sore thumb.In fact,the most convincing of the 5 main villains was Shabbir Ahluwalia who really scares you.

Among the heroes,1st of all the Big B.God,why did he ham so much?while he's funny at times,sometimes he just gets on ur nerves and his dialogue delivery reminds you of Family.Suniel Shetty finally acts well for a change.The friendly sparring between him and Arbaaz Khan is fun to watch.Arbaaz however makes good use of his wooden expressions in this movie.Sanjay Dutt however is pretty good in his role.Acts very well as ACP Khan.

The ladies have nothing much to do here except look good and cry when prompted except maybe Diya Mirza who as usual pisses you off.Amrita Singh is really good,but you wish that her accent would stay more consistent.

Overall a paisa vasool movie.Especially for the action junkies and the Sanjay Dutt/Suniel Shetty fans.

Life at the speed of a fast train!

Life's tough.Drunk on beer,hardly any money in your pocket.You miss the last train home.2 and a half hours later,You are a millionaire.What happened in those 2 hours???Sounds exciting on paper huh.Works out equally well on the big screen.Watched this movie today at adlabs and gotta admit,120 bucks well spent.This is one of those movies u wish u were the hero off.Abhay Deol seems to have made it a point to act in GOOD movies(Honeymoon Travels being an exception)unlike his 2 more illustrious cousins.Neha Dhupia is finally believable as a prostitute.Add to that a motley crue of really weird characters like a short don,a mahabharata spewing inspector,a henchman with a glass eye,a nana patekar lookalike,a rajnikant fan sub inspector etc and u have got 2 and a half hours of pure fun.

I'm rather pleased at the new developments lately in Indian cinema like the sudden focus on urban life,low budget movies with high quality stories and character driven movies.It's like a whole new wave movement like the one in the eighties,but with a more contemporary look at society.

If this continues,trust me,It's all good.

Back Home!!!

Boarded a plane,landed in blore,caught a cab,went to her place,met up,had lunch,had icecream,went to aunt's place,crashed for the night,woke up,met up with her and other friends,attended a reunion,faced an interrogation,scared people with my new look(now old),met cousins,binged on beer and icecream,went home again,slept,woke up with hangover,went with cousin to random govt office,went on shopping spree at my regular bookstore,had mindblowing dinner,met her again,received parting gift,slept,woke up,boarded flight,landed back here,went home,attended pooja,reunited with beautiful niece.......

That in a nutshell were my last 4 days.Life's good.Song for this post is the title of this Blog

i wanna say heya to my playa reitish d
big props to piggy chops and chuck masta sippy
my crew the bluffmaster movie
and those hip hop fakers vishal and shekhar
here we go!

(come to me bhool jaaye sara jahaan
come to me hum banale apni nayi jagah) - 2

listen up girl

ek main aur ek tu hai aur hawa mein jaadu hai
aarzoo bekabu hai samjho saare baat baaki
waqt ka kya bharosa banke paani beh jaaye
kal agar na mil paaye reh na jaaye baat baaki
right here right now hain khushi ka samaa
wind your body one time
right here right now hum hai is pal jaha
wind your body two time
bhool jaao muskurao reh na jaaye baat baaki

ek main aur ek tu hai aur hawa mein jaadu hai
aarzoo bekabu hai samjho saare baat baaki
waqt ka kya bharosa banke paani beh jaaye
kal agar na mil paaye reh na jaaye baat baaki
come to me - 2

b l u to the double f masta let's take it slow girl im
a long lasta
yeah im a bad boy
but im a good girl
out in the club or on your bed or un your rug girl
my rides a maybach so lay back while i drop the play
back
get to my crib and then u'll ask if you can stay back
u fine so fine i'm gonna keep you smiling
nice eyes fine fur pimp styling

aao mil jaayen hum yu ke phir na ho judaa
never gonna let you go girl
never gonna let you go no no no no
na ho koi faaslen na ho dooriyan
never gonna let you go girl
never gonna let you go no no no no no no
right here right now hain khushi ka samaa
wind your body one time
right here right now hum hai is pal jaha
eind your body two time
bhool jaao muskurao reh na jaaye baat baaki

i'm the masta of the bluff stuff i take it smooth but
i love the rough stuff
the ladies just cant be getting enough of the love
stuff
now i can be gentle or i can be givin yea tough love

ek main aur ek tu hai aur hawa mein jaadu hai
aarzoo bekabu hai samjho saare baat baaki
waqt ka kya bharosa banke paani beh jaaye
kal agar na mil paaye reh na jaaye baat baaki
(come to me bhool jaaye sara jahaan
come to me hum banale apni nayi jagah)

Freedom Baby!!!!

Man!!!Can't believe exams are finally done.Holidays are finally over my head.Now,i am not the kind of guy who's exactly enthusiastic about long holidays.Like most things,holidays aren't what they look like.Now you probably expect 40 days of freedom to be 40 days of crazy fun.Well,sorry to spoil your trip,but that's not what it is.Most of those days end up with you going nuts with boredom wondering what to do because you are so damn jobless.

Today,i was left wondering at the marvel of life.My niece who's barely a month old arrived here.Gotta admit,she's beautiful.It was fascinating for me to observe her mannerisms.Now i know why they say that playing with a baby makes you feel good.It is quite an experience.Especially watching her fall asleep so slowly,her breathing sounding as rhythmic as the waves of the sea.

I'm flying to bangalore tomorrow.Now generally,it's been my favorite holiday destination since a long time.That's because things are much simpler there.You know what to do,you know where to go,and the best part,you feel like home.Now i don't like going anywhere else because i end up feeling like an outsider there.But,not bangalore.It's like,i got this sense of belonging to the place even though i stay in mangalore.And,i can truthfully admit,Bangalore's the city that owns my heart.

The song for this post is Saving Grace by Tom Petty

I’m passing sleeping cities
Fading by degrees
Not believing all I see to be so

I’m flyin’ over backyards
Country homes and ranches
Watching life between the branches below

And it’s hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway
Don’t you baby?

You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace

I’m moving on alone over ground that no one owns
Past statues that atone for my sins
There’s a guard on every door
And a drink on every floor
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Overflowing with a thousand amens

And it’s hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway
Don’t you baby?

You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace
Don’t you baby?

You’re rolling up the carpet
Of your father’s two-room mansion
No headroom for expansion no more
And there’s a corner of the floor
They’re telling you is yours
You’re confident but not really sure

And it’s hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway
Don’t you baby?

You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace

Don’t you baby?

Winning!!

Everybody loves winning.Whether it's a galli cricket match or the world cup,college elections or national elections,It matters a lot.Trust me,winning is something that can get you out of a lifetime of depression.

To me,winning is like a drug.Addictive as hell,but once you lose touch,you don't miss it,but just look back and say "Boy,i did good"(i sound like a redneck).But seriously,winning is the only reason any person would want to look back through his otherwise unremarkable life.Of course,more than winning,look back at your losses.Atleast you'll learn from them.

What i love about winning is that the feeling that you get through your body when you win is this perfect mix of an adrenaline rush and a really happy feeling.Winning is fun,but too much of it can get a lil boring,Ask me,i'll tell you all about it(I now sound like an overconfident obnoxious prick).

Oh yeah,watched Ta Ra Rum Pum,that's where i got the idea for this post.

Anyways,the song for today is Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Chorus:
It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

chorus

Risin' up, straight to the top
Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

chorus

The eye of the tiger

Pain

The word "pain" comes from the Latin: poena meaning punishment, a fine, a penalty. Pain is an unpleasant sensation; nociception or nociperception is a measurable physiological event of a type usually associated with pain and agony and suffering.

That's the definition for those of you who don't know what it means.Sometimes,we just go through life behaving like the burden of the whole world is upon us,Act like we are the only people who've got problems.But what i learned today was that if you truly need a reality check,make an effort of listening to the problems of others.At least,you will then realize that your life is not as bad as you make it out to be.

The thing about pain is,it can never be suppressed within you.It always comes out at the slightest provocation.But personally,what i feel is physical pain is anyday preferable to mental pain.That's because physical pain always subsides,but not mental pain.Mental pain leaves such ugly scars on your psyche that till you die,it stays with you.It's like they are around to tell you "Hey Asshole,You Fucked Up.And we are always gonna be around to remind you of it".Some people go through it because of their own mistakes,but some unfortunately face it due to the mistakes of others.Call it injustice,but unfortunately,nothing can be done most of the times.

Sometimes,i fantasize about what it could be if i had the power to wish away all the pain in my life.But when i look back,i realize that the pain that i received unexpectedly was like a wake up call.To be frank,it was like being splashed with really cold water as you sleep peacefully without any troubles.The wake up call alerted me to many eventualities.I understood that life is not always a cakewalk.Things aren't gonna be convenient all the time.Good times are never gonna stay.Even now,when i'm really happy,there's a little pain inside me that nags me so that i do not forget.But in spite of all this,even now,i don't feel prepared for what may happen in the future.I still fear pain.

Pertaining to the topic,here's a song.

3 Days Grace-Pain

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain

Relief!!(Atleast that's what i feel for now)

Trust me,nothing feels better than that warm current of relief that passes through you when you've just had a narrow escape.Was kind of stuck in this weird situation which got resolved by itself(Don't they all?).Then came one of the most amazing weekends of my life.Met someone totally unexpected which again resolved a lot of stuff running through my mind.For now,i just hope that the flow continues.All i gotta do is go with it.As for the xams goin on,4 down and 3 left hanging over my head like the Grim Reaper's scythe.What makes it worse is the heat,especially inside the examination hall.1 more week to go before 2 months of fun,boredom and other such assorted stuff(The word vacation is an oxymoron while you are in school and in college).Then,thankfully,the city that's got my heart,Bangalore beckons.

Anyways,the song for this entry,Summertime Blues by Eddie Cochran.

i'm a-gonna raise a fuss, i'm a-gonna raise a holler
about a-workin' all summer just to try to earn a dollar
well one time i called my baby, tried to get a date
my boss says, no dice son, you gotta work late
sometimes i wonder, what i'm agonna do
but there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

oh well my main and papa told me
son you gotta make some money
if you wanna use the car to go ridin' next sunday
well i didn't go to work, told the boss i was sick
now you can't use the car 'cause you didn't work a-late
sometimes i wonder, what i'm a-gonna do
but there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

i'm gonna take two weeks, gonna have a fine vacation
i'm gonna take my problem to the united nations
well i called my congresman and he said quote
i'd like to help you son, but you're too young to vote
sometimes i wonder, what i'm a-gonna do
but there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

Realisation!

Like in a previous post where i'd expressed about how i felt free,Today was another such day of realisation.I learnt a beautiful lesson from life which hopefully should guide me through in the future.I learnt that sometimes you are happier if you don't get what you want.I learnt this a little late,but i sure am glad that i did.Looking back in retrospect,i wonder why i felt this desire for something that was not meant for me.Maybe it was true want,maybe it was just due to the fact that it was out of my reach that made it more irresistible.But whatever it was,it controlled my mind too much.However,no such trouble now.

Coldplay-Talk

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you
Cos I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and
I want to talk to you
Oh I want to talk to you

You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung, or do
Something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle?
You can't find your missing piece
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung, or do
Something that's never been done, or do
Something that's never been done

So you don't know where you're going
But you want to talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You'll tell anyone who will listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all

Let's talk
Let's talk

Let's talk
Let's talk

Panic-stricken

Panic is the primal urge to run and hide in the face of imminent disaster. It is a sudden fear which dominates or replaces thinking and often affects groups of people or animals.

That is the definition of Panic.But,how does Panic actually feel??Well,with me,panic is that sinking feeling in the gut when you know you are fucked.Why am i talking about panic?because that's what i'm feeling at the moment.Oooooh,i hate it.

All i can do is pray that the feeling passes

Funny Business

Life's kinda interesting when you least expect it.The best part about life is that it never stops.Ups and downs keep coming your way.Kinda adds spice.You are always in suspense(like a person watching a Hitchcock movie)about what happens next.Today went pretty decent.Exams began today.Not some stupid unit test kinda thing,but the real thing!!!When I hear the word exams,the tension in the room becomes so thick,i could cut it with a knife.Anyways,today was English.The only paper which i actually enjoy writing.That's because,u can write any bullshit you want to and for a guy like me,It's heaven.Of course,finished it within 2 hrs coz was hungry(didn't have breakfast as usual)so,was kinda running out of energy.Came out,watched one of my crazier friends flirt like mad with a chick(of course,she walked off quickly lest he flip out).Then met my 2 best buddies(BB)and moved out of the place with them.Watched Bheja Fry today.Total laugh riot.Had a great laugh especially at the dialogues in the movie.Now,gotta watch out for Hindi day after.Total vernacular attack.Now currently,wondering what to do about Hindi.It's like a rash,not gonna go away by itself.So,gotta sit through the biographies of Gandhi,Socrates,Thyagaraja etc.Wish me luck!!.

Slightly Intoxicated

Today was the 1st time in many days that i realised what freedom truly meant.I walked a free man today.As the cool wind caressed my face,i felt the exhilaration i hadn't felt in a long time.I didn't feel suffocated today by the weight of my feelings.I instead felt light.I felt like i was floating an inch above the ground.Of course,today i let go of a very heavy burden.My burden has been taken over by someone else.The burden wasn't mine,but i chose to lift it.In the beginning,the burden felt light,it didn't feel like a burden.But it grew heavier and heavier.I needed to get rid of it.I resorted to all means possible to get rid of it.But one day i came face to face with the truth.The truth is that since my burden was of my own making,i had to reduce it myself.Now,the truth had another part to it.If i ignored the burden it would go away.But the problem was that by now i had gotten used to the burden and so it was hard to wean myself away.And my burden slowly began to become a burden on others.They stopped listening,they stopped respecting me.Then,it dawned on me that i need to get rid of this burden not just for myself,but also for those who are with me for nobody should carry my burden.So,after a month of de-addiction,the burden is gone.I feel free.I feel proud of myself.I feel happy.I feel light.I just hope the feeling lasts.

Comfortably Numb-Pink Floyd(Kinda reflecting how i feel)
Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick. [ping]
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

Desecration Smile

Have always been a fan of Red Hot Chili Peppers,Love the voice of Anthony Kiedis,kinda reminds me of Coldplay's Chris Martin.Very smooth and liquid.Add to that,John Frusciante at the guitar,amazing

This is their latest single Desecration Smile,what a song.Download it when you can.

All alone not by myself
Another girl bad for my health
I've seen it all thru someone else
(Another girl bad for my health)
Celebrated but undisturbed
Serenaded by the terror bird
It's seldom seen but it's never heard
(Serenaded by the terror bird)
Never in the wrong time or wrong place
Desecration is the smile on my face
The love i made is the shape of my space
My face my face
Disintergrated by the rising sun
A rolling black out of oblivion
And I'd like to think that I'm your #1
(I'm rolling black out of oblivion)
I wanna leave but I just get stuck
A broken record runnin' low on luck
There's heavy metal coming from your truck
I'm a (a broken record runnin' low on luck)
We could all go down to
Malibu and make some noise
Coca Cola doesn't do the justice
She enjoys
We could all come up with
Something new to be destroyed
We could all go down
I love the feeling when it falls apart
I'm slow to finish but quick to start and
Beneath the heather lies the meadowlark
And I'm
(Slow to finish but quick to start)

Another Afternoon

The worst feeling on earth i feel is to be lonely.Now,I am not exactly an extrovert.I don't really desire the company of a lot of a people.In fact,there are times when i enjoy my solitude.But there are times when loneliness really bites my ass hard.This can be truly called a hopeless situation,It's close to exam-time,your friends are busy studying and you aren't in the mood.You try reaching out to them,but they have made themselves inaccessible.You wonder what to do to remove loneliness,but you have absolutely no clue what to do.Been sitting in my room for hours now listening to the same old music again.Sting belts out Soul cages from my speakers making me too feel trapped in my own cage.Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,being alone sucks!!!!!

Night Time

Kinda quiet out here at night.All i can hear is the fan creaking.It's on its last legs and wheezing out what it thinks is a refreshing breeze.I'm wondering what movie to watch now,Sort of difficult to choose from around a 100 odd DVDs.Might settle for something or the other.The night's just begun and it's a long haul ahead.Am hungry,but not in the mood to eat yet.Might end up eating the Hide'n'Seek that's hiding in the kitchen cupboard.

Long Time No Blog

Kinda Hard to figure out how i'm feeling at the moment.As i type this,i can feel the heat of the afternoon sun pierce through my skin and hit my bones.Sweat is trickling down my neck and my brain is questioning my soul "Why the fuck are you typing this?".Well to be frank,even i'm not able to figure it out.Personally,all i need at the moment is some hard loud rock music and one hell of an adrenaline rush. Haven't shaved in a week,my beard itches.I wish i had an alterego like Tyler Durden who'd tell me what to do at the moment.Kinda stuck alone missing people who are far away.Want to run to them and stay by their side,but circumstances are against it.Personally I just wanna run,run to no place in particular.Just run till my feet scream enough.