Tuesday, March 02, 2010


Warning...Kinda long,Kinda boring,Kinda personal yet worth sharing on the Internet!

Yet another day turns up where I want to update my blaargh with one of my trademark random posts which has been described by one of its "loyal" readers as "Starts in Mangalore and ends up in Mozambique", But trust me, The sight of the cursor blinking over a blank template is one of THE most intimidating sights ever. But i guess I ain't too scared coz 1) This is my blog and no matter how crappy the post is, I love readin' it ;) and 2) Once the words begin to flow...They just rush past and I gotta admit, The feeling's pretty damn exhilarating!

Lately the mind's been pretty fixated on The Road! Now, The Road is usually a theme explored by musicians who love using it as a metaphor for our path in life. Strangely enough...That's the reason why I keep dwelling upon it again and again. Now it's been almost a year since I took a snap decision to just take a year off and do NOTHING! Trust me..This decision sure had its share of critics. Well,when you come from a family of over-achievers, Doing something like this is just giving the critics ammunition to blow your head clean off (Dirty Harry style...Punk!!!).

So getting back to The Road! I mostly have a very romanticized notion of it. I like to imagine myself just walkin' down a highway..Dust all over my clothes...A guitar slung on my back...Sweat pouring down my face as the midday sun beats down mercilessly...Yeah! And to really feel it...I usually play Turn The Page by Metallica or Life Is A Highway by Tom Cochrane to stay in the flow.

But realistically speaking, The odds of my "fantasy" actually happening are frankly speaking pretty minimal. Coz 1st of all...Life on The Road ain't exactly a cakewalk. I guess what's going on in my head is the fact that I slowly am moving towards the future which involves becoming responsible and finally gaining the kind of freedom I want but for some reason fear. Life's hard. I don't disagree with that fact. I can't say whether I am going through some kind of Rite of Passage right now, But if I am..Wow, I really AM screwed :D

The one tendency of most people I know including me is that We idealize the past, neglect our present and fear the future. But given a choice, I'd bet each and every one of us would like to strut around singing "The future's so bright,I gotta wear shades"...But unfortunately, we aren't blessed with 20-20 foresight. Our vision of the future is blurred at best. It's like, We have certain vague objectives, But they are all expendable. We have the plan, which we fulfill in essence, But a very garbled version of it is what we end up with most of the time. We have our dreams. They're nice to look at. Nice to imagine. Nice to fantasize about. But for some reason when it comes to actually implementing...That irrational fear of the future walks in. And BOOM! We reach that climax which is famously known as CONFORMITY! .

Suddenly, The future gives way to the present. From fear, you graduate to neglect. Suddenly, what used to scare you now bores you. You literally go through the motion without even a semblance of feeling. The only thing that keeps you going is that suddenly your life feels validated. You've got a purpose in life. Even though it's just surviving and staying afloat, You find solace in the fact that even though you didn't end up all special and spectacular, You still managed to do that ONE thing that is considered "right" by the world we live in. Fulfilling your responsibilities. (Ok,sorry to go off track, but the above paragraph would sound so KICKASS if it was narrated by Morgan Freeman ;) ).

So right now...What's troubling me is How do i find this middle ground, this balance between my dreams and the fact that I ain't gonna be able to just float through life without any worries and I gotta take up responsibilities and manage them adequately. The Road is still ahead of me. My past is something I really want to leave behind except for maybe the few lessons in it. The Good memories, I think i'll bottle em up and save them for when I'll REALLY REALLY REALLY need them. The present...I think i shall focus on both a short term and long term plan of action...And yeah,continue on my quest to derive a short term form of enlightenment through Beer! And as for the future...I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes, Enjoy the good and Survive the bad! But ultimately I need to remember that the future is to be handled and customized according to my goals, Not feared and ultimately fucked!

Thursday, February 04, 2010

Of Resolutions and Revolutions!

Another year turns up with the "Enjoy it while it's around" sticker stuck on its forehead. This year however turns out to be doubly special in a statistical sense as it's not just the beginning of a new year...but a new decade too. Time keeps getting divided into smaller units, which are numerically significant but personally, you just couldn't care less :D

2010...2010...2010...Two thousand and Ten or Twenty Ten, However you say it, It just seems the same to me. Resolutions get made, get broken, get postponed, Usual shit. We wake up on the 1st day with a BAD hangover and promise ourself, Not to drink till we drop. But then you go about your routine, College stresses ya out, Work stresses ya out, Even doing absolutely nothing stresses ya out. Weekend comes about and you are buried in a glass of your favourite poison ;) Same routine with other resolutions...Lose weight, works for the 1st 2 weeks when ya survive on salads and whole wheat bread and stuff. Then comes along a whiff of Mutton Biryani or Butter Chicken or even the simplest of snacks,Pakodas(for the vegetarians)..Even chocolates for that matter. One look at that rich dark bar of pure sin and you are thinking "Tomorrow i'll walk half a mile more" and OKTATABYEBYE to that resolution too :P

Trouble is the human race is a race of extremists. We are an extreme people. It's either THIS or THAT. There's no MAYBE. You think about it, You just figure out that "Boss,no matter how smart folks were back in the past, Even Rome wasn't built in a day". Any big decision you make takes a little prep work and a shitload of patience to complete.

You notice any major revolution that took place. Whether the violent ones like say the French Revolution where loads of folks lost their heads(Literally and Figuratively) or the Italian Revolution (That led to a fashion disaster known as the Red Shirts adopted by debonair individuals like Mithunda, Jeetendra and the disco king Bappida) or even the non-violent ones like the Green Revolution(followed by Manoj Kumar who got less patriotic and more jingoistic with every movie he made) and the White Revolution(Doodh Doodh Doodh Doodh,Piyo Wonderful Doodh...I know,memorable and yet makes you fall off your chair laughing) took their own sweet time to truly become a revolution. They may have been conceived in a moment of madness...But were sustained in millions of moments of sensibility and patience.

If you think about it...even Love is a revolution in a way...Starts off with the intensity of a 1000 blazing suns(I know i know,don't judge me for using lame metaphors)..But when sustained, it develops into a mind-blasting, heart-stopping and life changing experience..One whose results stick around for a lifetime :D..

Every resolution when handled with the right balance of Passion and Patience leads to a revolution. It could lead you to exactly what you want and it could also end up blowing up in your face. But there is absolutely NO denying the fact that it changes you in such a way that there's no way back to what you used to be.

I've had my share of broken resolutions, I've been through a few revolutions and am in the midst of a couple right now. I have absolutely no idea as always about The Whats,The Whys,The Wheres,The Whens and The Hows....The consequences seem obvious to me and yet there is a possibility of a sudden twist in the plot. I don't have a clue about whether my life's a road, a whirlpool or even a bloody cup of coffee inside a microwave oven :P...Hell, Maybe the answers lie in a nice chilled mug of beer or a hot steaming cup of tea or a pile of garbage on the street. LOL! Maybe in my next post too :P

Saturday, December 26, 2009

Oooohhh...The weather outside!!

There's a quote in Fight Club...If you woke up in a different time in a different place...would you wake up as a different person?

The Tyler Durden inside me shrugs indefinitely and tells me to put a cork in it...."Jesus man...Do ya gotta ask weird quasi-philosophical questions and screw my trip?"....Well funny story...My brain while usually in the state of immobility perks up at all the weirdest times and then 1 stupid question thought about in a state of absolute laziness turns into a "Find answer or go nuts" type situation...

Maybe in a truly sane world..Insanity would be considered a rare virtue...Something possessed only by souls who live in a higher consciousness....

Philosophy is like this pet that kinda improves your mood when you are totally down....But usually causes a mess at the strangest times making ya go "Bad Philosophy...Very Bad Philosophy"...

Now I've kinda been shuttling between 2 different places....One that's characterised by chills and smoke and another that's characterised by Heat and Dust (Merchant/Ivory,Take a bow :P )...And this Fight club funda kinda applies to me..Maybe it's the weather or maybe it's the fact that i live different lives in these 2 places which is why I feel like a different person now.

This whole feeling of Jet-lag doesn't apply to time only but involves the space part of the continuum too....Of course the thought of suffering from Jet Lag coz ya travelled just 300 miles is as stupid as a lot of ideas.

Right now though, I don't give a rat's ass about any such ideas....All I'd like to do is walk in to one of my regular haunts, listen to something that doesn't give me a headache and well...indulge in some meaningless conversation :D

And yeah,Merry Christmas(Belated) to whoever's reading this...Hope ya get whatever ya wish for :D

Friday, December 18, 2009


The title of my post is a reaction to all that's annoying about the world around us :D....Popularized by Rowan Atkinson (Mr Bean to those who don't know this comic genius) It's an expression to which I've kinda developed an addiction lately.

Think of this bad dream that you saw today morning....Imagine it takes a human form and cultivates this habit of annoying ya throughout your day....I'd see it as the annoying dude who stands behind ya and goes "Hiya Pal" with an extremely nasal voice making you want to punch him in the face. The trouble with seeing a bad dream is that it just adds to the "Questions without Answers" part of your brain.

More annoying than bad dreams are the weird ones. You know the ones that involve break-dancing hippos and people who you'd least expect to see popping up in a cinematic representation of your sub-conscious. They are the kind of dreams that make ya walk around the whole day with your face shaped like a question mark and make you wish you had a copy of that book on dreams written by Freud.

Something as Phrrbbttt inducing as the examples cited above are Bad News. You know the kind. Especially news that are not as bad as they are embarrassing and annoying. And if ya gotta smile through the whole ordeal...Maybe that's why all those dudes end up snapping, goin apeshit and grabbing a gun and turning folks into artistic impressions of Swiss Cheese.

Fantasies are fun....Reality, Not so much....;)

Annoying superiors....The "I do not command respect coz I'm a world class schmuck...But i do demand it because I'm insecure as hell and need to reaffirm the fact that I am superior to some really unlucky fucks". Seen this class of people loads of times. Makes ya wanna stick your tongue out and go Phrrrbbbbtttt so vigorously that they blow off....But for some reason these are the kind of guys who end up on top and unfortunately for us, do not allow us to forget that fact.

Bad Movies...Especially if they've been hyped as the greatest movie since Sliced Bread....These are the kind of movie which the extremely hyper dude on one side of you will be laughing his ass off at because it is sooooooooooooo funny........NOT and some annoying screechy gal on the other side of you will be squealing in excitement because the hero is oh sooooooooooo cute and sweet!!!!!! These kind of movies usually star the flavor of the season who for some reason thinks that his/her presence is enough to make the movie a hit....Funnily it works at all the wrong times...

Server slowdowns on any social networking site.......Page looks like it's about to load.....Server Not Found!......Refresh Button pressed gently.....Page loads halfway and then gives up due to lack of motivation....Refresh Button pressed a little less gently....Page loads in the same amount of time I could've taken a tour of the Universe......In the meantime....Refresh Button pressed with the same feeling with which one punches the daylights of an enemy.....Page finally loads fully....Nobody's commented on my oh so freakingly cool status update......Or on my "Look at me I'm so hot" pics....Life Stinks!

Flight Delays.....Annoying voice on P.A System "This is to inform you with some regret(Yeah right!) that Flight Number $@#! to *insert destination here* has been delayed due to Technical Difficulties (Oh yeah,never heard that before)......Sit on extremely uncomfortable seat in the middle of the "Swanky yet Accessible" lounge......Try making eye contact with extremely attractive lady in front of you *crashes and burns*......Bah! Women!.....Walks around airport lounge till security starts giving ya weird looks....Makes calls to friends who are all not in the mood to talk....Bwah!!!! I'll go fly the damn plane myself....3-4 agonizing hours later....Annoying voice on P.A System "Boarding's been announced"....Say,that voice ain't too bad ehh.....Enters plane beaming hoping to be seated next to remotely attractive woman.....Ends up sitting next to extremely annoying middle aged corporate honcho who has a lot of gyaan to share...but not his cash :P.......Honcho flirts with gorgeous air-hostess...She responds.....Bah!!!

More to come soon....Maybe someday when I'm actually pissed off :P

Thursday, December 10, 2009

Is It Just Me....

...or is it not me :P


Not exactly trying to convey something here....More like something off the top of my head or possibly through the back of it :P

Ahh need a walk badly...Need a long walk to think about nothing at all...

Telangana...A new state comes up....So what i wonder??

Another status update comes up saying something or the other....Cool :)

Mobile buzzes with activity....Something interesting i guess...

Gaze shifting to pile of DVDs....Yes Minister or Rock On....Or maybe Crank 2:High Voltage....Spoilt for choices here..But not a clue about what to watch...

India lost yesterday....From Numero Uno to this...Weird people :P

Terrible Dinner last night...Hopefully tonight should make up for it....Money for nothing can piss people off...

1 week since CAT....Wonder what's the state of my exam :P

SNAP coming up....May do well...May not...Should see...

Right! Kaltofy now :P Update somethin' later maybe

Sunday, December 06, 2009

It's Like.......

It's like........

That's how i usually go when asked to describe something that's beyond description. Right now I alternate between the states of sleepy annoyance and sleepy cheer :P...Elvis belts out Blue Suede Shoes...I rock back and forth in my chair and wonder why the hell I like this song so much :D.......Just got back from a trip to Bangalore where I pretty much bet my future on the whims and fancies of a random computer.....The roulette wheel spins, but i don't see a number yet....Guess I'm still in the game for now.

The mind vacillates from one mood to another, one fantasy to another....But certain things stay the same.

Food!!!!.....One of my favorite topics of conversation. And truly one of the greatest pleasures of life ;)...To experience and to indulge in...

Movies!!!!......Again a favorite topic...Whether you are able to escape from reality and settle down in a different world,say The Shire from Lord Of The Rings or even the darkest recesses of someone's mind or a loving joint family in an ideal world...Movie watching has always been a true pleasure. Especially if the story's so good that it gets you involved.

Books!!!!!.... They say a picture speaks a thousand words.....But sometimes a thousand words can trigger off a million emotions...It can inspire...It can sadden...It can amuse...It can even educate...But make no mistake, Reading is one of the greatest cerebral pleasures one can ever enjoy without feeling any guilt :D

Writing!!!!... Now I agree I'm not a regular blogger. Just a regular guy who comes up here and writes irregular stuff. But I do agree with the title of my blog because I usually write about the here and now. Sure it's about me...But then,if i wanna read random opinions about something i don't care about resulting in either amusement or simple indifference, The World Wide Web's got enough shit out there to read till the world ends.

The advantage of being random is it makes conversations fun. At least for me it does. Where's the fun in rambling on and on about some topic no matter how inflammatory it is if ya ain't gettin' anywhere? Makes sense right? Yeah well what can we do? No matter how unpleasant our voice may sound to others, to us it is THE most intoxicating sound ever :D....

No idea behind this post. No plan to fit in with the greater scheme of things. Just some words pushed around here and there to form a small stream of coherence or incoherence...Depends on how ya see it ;)

Monday, November 09, 2009

Fake Smiles and Covered Miles!!

Bah!!! Grr!! etc etc.....

I gotta ask.....Why is it that nothing is ever what we think it is? Take a beautiful painting that's been around for sometime. From a distance, It looks beautiful. It looks perfect. You can't seem to find any fault with it. But the minute you get up close and personal, You see the cracks. The glitches. They may be negligent. They may be subtle. But sometimes they are obvious,even painfully so. And that gets you thinking. It changes your perspective about the painting. The question is, Are you able to accept it in spite of all the glitches or do you just move on the another painting that's more "perfect"?

I see it everywhere. I see it in myself too. This tendency of the human spirit,not to break under the most trying circumstances. The cracks under the facade of perfection that we try to portray to anybody who's looking. Now, any damage is reparable to a certain degree. It can be glued together and made to look as good as new through the glue of emotion or practicality. Sometimes you let the cracks that begin to appear in your life get fixed through love and acceptance or through a pretense of conformity. But after a while, as the damage turns irreparable, Are you still able to accept it? Can you look past the damage and see the bigger picture? Or do you move on to something less complicated but with lesser meaning too?

I'm still walking down this road as I hate driving :D....I hitch a ride occasionally to get me through certain bad roads. But mostly, It's just me and my trusty old legs that refuse to give up and want to keep walking :D....What about you,Yes you,the one that's reading this....Have you stopped for good or do you plan to stay on the road and show the finger to failure that creeps up on you in the form of anger, exhaustion, cynicism and hopelessness???

Think about it ;)...You've got all the time in the world :D