Warning...Kinda long,Kinda boring,Kinda personal yet worth sharing on the Internet!
Yet another day turns up where I want to update my blaargh with one of my trademark random posts which has been described by one of its "loyal" readers as "Starts in Mangalore and ends up in Mozambique", But trust me, The sight of the cursor blinking over a blank template is one of THE most intimidating sights ever. But i guess I ain't too scared coz 1) This is my blog and no matter how crappy the post is, I love readin' it ;) and 2) Once the words begin to flow...They just rush past and I gotta admit, The feeling's pretty damn exhilarating!
Lately the mind's been pretty fixated on The Road! Now, The Road is usually a theme explored by musicians who love using it as a metaphor for our path in life. Strangely enough...That's the reason why I keep dwelling upon it again and again. Now it's been almost a year since I took a snap decision to just take a year off and do NOTHING! Trust me..This decision sure had its share of critics. Well,when you come from a family of over-achievers, Doing something like this is just giving the critics ammunition to blow your head clean off (Dirty Harry style...Punk!!!).
So getting back to The Road! I mostly have a very romanticized notion of it. I like to imagine myself just walkin' down a highway..Dust all over my clothes...A guitar slung on my back...Sweat pouring down my face as the midday sun beats down mercilessly...Yeah! And to really feel it...I usually play Turn The Page by Metallica or Life Is A Highway by Tom Cochrane to stay in the flow.
But realistically speaking, The odds of my "fantasy" actually happening are frankly speaking pretty minimal. Coz 1st of all...Life on The Road ain't exactly a cakewalk. I guess what's going on in my head is the fact that I slowly am moving towards the future which involves becoming responsible and finally gaining the kind of freedom I want but for some reason fear. Life's hard. I don't disagree with that fact. I can't say whether I am going through some kind of Rite of Passage right now, But if I am..Wow, I really AM screwed :D
The one tendency of most people I know including me is that We idealize the past, neglect our present and fear the future. But given a choice, I'd bet each and every one of us would like to strut around singing "The future's so bright,I gotta wear shades"...But unfortunately, we aren't blessed with 20-20 foresight. Our vision of the future is blurred at best. It's like, We have certain vague objectives, But they are all expendable. We have the plan, which we fulfill in essence, But a very garbled version of it is what we end up with most of the time. We have our dreams. They're nice to look at. Nice to imagine. Nice to fantasize about. But for some reason when it comes to actually implementing...That irrational fear of the future walks in. And BOOM! We reach that climax which is famously known as CONFORMITY! .
Suddenly, The future gives way to the present. From fear, you graduate to neglect. Suddenly, what used to scare you now bores you. You literally go through the motion without even a semblance of feeling. The only thing that keeps you going is that suddenly your life feels validated. You've got a purpose in life. Even though it's just surviving and staying afloat, You find solace in the fact that even though you didn't end up all special and spectacular, You still managed to do that ONE thing that is considered "right" by the world we live in. Fulfilling your responsibilities. (Ok,sorry to go off track, but the above paragraph would sound so KICKASS if it was narrated by Morgan Freeman ;) ).
So right now...What's troubling me is How do i find this middle ground, this balance between my dreams and the fact that I ain't gonna be able to just float through life without any worries and I gotta take up responsibilities and manage them adequately. The Road is still ahead of me. My past is something I really want to leave behind except for maybe the few lessons in it. The Good memories, I think i'll bottle em up and save them for when I'll REALLY REALLY REALLY need them. The present...I think i shall focus on both a short term and long term plan of action...And yeah,continue on my quest to derive a short term form of enlightenment through Beer! And as for the future...I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes, Enjoy the good and Survive the bad! But ultimately I need to remember that the future is to be handled and customized according to my goals, Not feared and ultimately fucked!