Longevity!

What's the difference between an idea and a great idea?

Longevity!

What's the point of having an Idea, no matter how earth shattering it may be if it doesn't last the initial euphoria?

Ummm......

Warning: Extremely Personal and Self-referential(Yeah yeah,been there done that)

Like always...Every post containing words is preceded by a million blank ones....Every decent idea i get is only after the rejection of a million bad ones....

Lately, I've been trying this new thing where I try to be not just a better person, But also a more secure person :).....

The past few weeks have literally been cathartic in nature as I've tried to kill all the bad in me...Now I know that a person cannot be a 100% good or a 100% evil. The problem with value education is that we are taught to view everything in black or white. But there lies the trouble! How does one react to Grey?????? This is a question that has troubled me a LOT!!!

One of the greatest flaws in my character is that I try to simplify everything i see..Now Science basically boils down to the simplest explanation, But what about Art? Can Art be explained in just a word or a sentence? Why I ask this is because Life to me is more Art than Science? Birth and Death may be scientific, But what about the time in between?

Coming back to the flaw in my character...I can be accused of viewing Life through that highly simplified perspective which has led to me committing many fatal flaws which in a way has led to me losing a few battles.

But there is one extremely valuable lesson I've learned recently. The person who is most uncomfortable with himself is the one who can cause maximum destruction in order to feel that minimum sense of adequacy....The most angry person is the one who has been denied the one thing we always crave for...Acceptance. Thinking about it, It's extremely saddening to watch. The smartest, The best looking, The most talented, Yet never happy with what they are. Always craving to be someone else.

Ultimately It's how you look to yourself, Not to the rest of the world right????

I've learned this..But will I be able to follow it? Can I walk the walk? Only Time Will Tell...Till then, I can only pray for following the right path :)

Not Yet Back In The Game,But Getting There!

Yeah,Like the title suggests,Am not yet back to my blogging finesse....But the way life's going lately, It's gonna be back soon. Anyways,reason for this post is a couple of weird thoughts I had today....

Flash Of Brilliance 1: I don't think you should tell a friend "I'm always gonna be around"....You are around for your friend only when you are around...Go figure :D

Flash Of Brilliance 2: You live in a place long enough, You end up becoming like that place....For example...You live in Mangalore long enough...You become like the place....Laid-back,Relaxed....And worst-case scenario....BORING!!!!!! But say you live in a big city say Mumbai or New York, You reflect the pace of the city...Your personality is dynamic,exciting and I'd say Addictive too...

Wonder what the others (referring to my friends and the loyal readers :P of this blog) have to say about this.....

Back Again!

Like a long lost friend,I return to my blog who stands waiting for me,steadfast and never wavering(Yawn!!! already reading that overwrought piece of prose).......

Since my last post,been coming to terms with the fact that a rather long chapter of my Life that I've been used to since 3 years is now coming to a close. The only thing that has sort of kept me going through these days is the constant flow of beer :D, It's been like every other day we have a faux farewell party only to meet again the next day. However this is gonna end real soon....

Now as this chapter comes to a close, We'll notice that most folks will go their own way. One shall return to his hometown to an uncertain future, One will stick around wondering what the hell to do with his life, The one who has it all figured out will just move on the next level with quite some ease :)...... And of course, Some of the gals i know, They've already started making wedding plans(Just let me know when you are deciding the lunch and dinner menus).....

Now I myself am sticking around because I'm being lured by 2 lucrative careers, even though my heart's set on a 3rd one ;) But i know that I'm gonna end up somewhere sooner or later, So am not too concerned.

The only issue that's bothering me right now is the long period of solitude coming up in the coming months...And solitude isn't exactly my best friend ;)

Time to start Living i guess, Let's see where life's gonna take me next :D

Lookin' Back!

Well!!!!

As I reach the end of a rather interesting,twist filled,intriguing(and various other adjectives you'll probably find at the back of some random novel) chapter of my short life, Methinks it's time to start a little "looking back over my shoulders" session but nothing too long and boring( like stories i normally find funny :P )..

It's been a fun ride, These 3 years, have had my shares of ups and downs,loads of downs,but quite a few ups to make up for it....

Ups like winning some major quizzes, making some great friendships, learning a lot of crazy new stuff and certain practical lessons too...

Downs like misunderstandings, politics, fights, fuck-ups etc etc....

But some of the stuff I learnt in here were

* Life goes on, You ain't indispensable
* The really smart guy is the one who knows when to shut the fuck up
* Nothing's ever worth losing sleep over, If ya can't solve something, Just chill,It'll sort itself out :)
* The only memories You'll eventually have left are the good ones :D
* Booze rules, But just don't overdo it :)
* When it comes to Gals, Totally different playing field, Totally different rules ;)

That's all, No more gyaan, No more bullshit, Just me racing towards the climax of an exciting chapter in my life :)

Uh Oh!!!

Scarily Close to the edge!!! Looks like I'm gonna fall off any minute now.....

Life's A Lesson,You'll learn it when you're through!

Oh Man Man Man Man Man!!!!!

Suddenly, Life's getting a little too real......If you look at Life as an investment

Investment= Return - Pretty Good :)
Investment > Return- Awesome!!
Investment < Return- Crappy :(

Right now Life's kind of in da Crappy phase......It's like either I expected too much or maybe Life just enjoys kicking me in the nuts and at this moment i feel the wind flying out of my sails and this sick feeling in my gut.....

Frightening, Looks like I gotta learn how to use my fear to work for me like they say in all of them self-help books

The Scene!!!

Lately, As I drift through here and there meeting random people, The FAQ in my head's like "What's the scene".....

All that's happened lately has been a blur. A blur of incidents passing by so fast I could hop on one of them and I'd reach Bangalore within a few minutes. It's literally Life at the speed of thought. Crazy Crazy Crazy. I ask myself why I've been letting stuff just pass me by. Funda's simple, If I don't care about something, I'm not sure I wanna be on board :) It's more like, Leave me alone, I'll grab the next one :)

One thing I've learned lately is that Ego can be like booze. The right amount can get ya going anytime and anywhere. A little bit of Ego's always required to get that competitive edge. But too much of it can kill ya...Not necessarily lead to your physical death, But the death of something inside you, Maybe the good in you..

More to come soon....

Flights Of Success!

Weird philosophical fundas float through my head at times.....

Today's Funda:

Success is like a flight...

It doesn't just happen, You need to keep trying, A few crashes later, it'll happen(Wright Brothers, I salute ya)

It can happen at the right time if you are on the right airline.

If it ain't your time, You'll get delayed, but you'll get there eventually.

If your luck is bad, your flight can get canceled.

If your luck is really bad, your flight can get hijacked.

But if your luck is really really bad, your flight can even crash.

And yeah, there's always a ground staff(support system) to make sure you take off smoothly.

I'd explain more, but am sure this is pretty much it.

Random Title!

Middle Of The Night, Usual story i face at this time of year. Anything i say to my conscience, It replies "You talkin' to me", Strange thing, It's beginning to sound a lil too much like Robert De Niro.
Scary!!

Right now, I seriously am confused. I don't know whether my instinct is different from the Devil inside me ;) I'm trying to filter out urges brought about by the devil,but i keep getting tricked into thinking that these urges are what i am supposed to do. Happens to all of us at some point, I guess..

Feelin' The Heat!!!

As of this moment, I'm burning with a fire, A fire inside me, A fire that seems like it will incinerate my insides and leave me a soulless body with just a superficial layer to show for myself.

I feel the heat of anger- The fire of anger is white, It blinds me, It provokes me to destroy, to carry out a spell of destruction, to devastate anything that blocks my way.....

I feel the heat of passion- This heat pushes me forward, pushes me towards my goal. It refuses to stop pushing, It makes me want, It makes me desire, It makes me want to run even faster towards my destination, It makes the road seem much shorter than it actually is.......

I feel the heat of fear- The fear that tries to keep me down, The fear that nags at me, The fear that claws at me, The fear that makes me want to give up, The fear that makes me want to cry. Even though i feel it, Even though it's burning me, I refuse to acknowledge its presence except when i try to convert it into passion....

I feel the warmth of love- The warmth that keeps me secure, The warmth that spreads all over me like a cloak, The love that i don't recognise, The love whose source or form I can't see, Yet i feel it, I feel the presence of a reassuring benign friend, a lover, a parent, a sibling, a whole family....

Ha!

And things are just back the way they should be......

Of course,things haven't changed drastically,I'm not yet successful,not yet hitched,but these ain't the mainstays of my life. The things that act as the fabric of my life have managed not to unravel fully and have been woven back together into a completely new design ;)

Until the next hole :D

At Wit's End

Am truly at my wit's end. Things are just changing and changing and changing, I'm facing the kind of storm I'd never even dreamed about. It's like I got no moves at all to counter what's coming at me. I'm just getting hammered and hammered and hammered, Yet for some reason, I'm still standing and ready to face obstacles one after the other, each worse than the other, each tougher than the other.

Suddenly, I feel alone. Deserted. It's like whatever bad things I've done in my past have all caught up with me and are making me face what I've done. I don't know right now what I must do. I wish I could escape from this, But I don't want to. I just want to wait and wait to see how this ends.

Someday It's gotta end, Maybe earlier, Maybe just in time, Maybe when it's too late. Let's see

Learnt Something!

I learnt something today

"The more effortless something looks,the more is the amount of effort put into it"

My Funeral March!

When I Die, I want this song to be played at my funeral

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
cause there's too many places Ive got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I cant change.
But please don't take it badly,
cause lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.
Lord help me, I cant change.

Again!!

Damn It!!

Again I find myself at a point where I seriously wonder "WTF am i even doing here". Blank, Confused and Cynical, exactly how i feel at the moment. Blank because nothing's making any sense, Confused because I don't know what to do and Cynical because this is a been there done that situation for me and nothing good's ever come out of it :)

I also wonder at times whether I should stop trusting people completely. Because lately what i've observed is that there is no use trusting anybody even a little bit because that they are resourceful and cunning enough to turn that little fiber of trust into a rope and strangle you with it at worst or atleast tie you up leaving you immobile yet watching.

The one thing that can frustrate you in life are limits. Whether it's in what you are doing or whether it's in yourself that the limits exist, they can inhibit you from carrying out something with the dedication and skill it deserves. If the limitation is something you were born with, nothing much you can do except try working around it a bit. But what if the limitation is self-imposed??

Questions that sear at my flesh.....Hopefully I shall have the answer someday :)

Rumble...Ramble....Rumble

Lesson Of The Day: Cough Syrup CAN get you high

This is an example of a lesson i actually enjoyed learning ;) The sobriety of the past few weeks has been getting a little monotonous. Surprisingly, My health's been acting up at a time when it should absolutely not thus settling the argument that shit and bad luck always turn up at the wrong effin' time.

Funny thing about life is when you want to savour a good feeling, you never have the time to as something or the other just blitzes you away and keeps you occupied. But when you are trying to get rid of a bad feeling, Life suddenly slows down and makes you feel every nuance of that feeling till it passes which adding to the pain takes its own sweet time passing you by.

Lately, even though i'm known to occasionally lament my single status, I am also prone to thanking my stars for still keeping me single. The insanity that prevails among the couples around me makes me wonder whether i am actually prepared to sacrifice my sanity for some random gal. Also,for some reason, i'm not someone who can bear listening to a woman's tales of woe. I may be listening politely with an understanding look on my face, but my Inner Monologue will be asking the gal to cash in her reality check i.e deal with her issue and in the process get a life(Sounds scary,But that's me).

Can't think of any way to conclude this strangely random post,but who cares,My blog,My style ;)

Fade To : Silence!

Laughing at life and its various idiocies has always been a favourite pastime of mine. It's something I've always enjoyed doing since quite some time now. But suddenly, Life's laughing back at me,and unfortunately for me, It drowns out my laughter by a few million decibels!

Weird as it may sound, I actually started acting all out of character since the past couple of weeks. I tried turning into my imaginary alter-ego for sometime. But I conveniently forgot the fact that my alter-ego exists in an equally alternate dimension where there's no such thing as a consequence. Pity, it's consequence that provides a foundation for every action in this universe.

Right now,I'm suddenly beginning to realize that I've changed a little too much and it's not being appreciated ;) While the more confident me has found a few takers, It has apparently rendered me "inaccessible" to a lot of people. Weirdly, I hated the accessible me because it gave people a pretty decent opportunity to dump all their crap on me.

I've basically started hating all my weaknesses which has sort of motivated me to start working on them so that even my weaknesses become my strengths. That's gonna take some time i guess, But hell, still got a long haul in front of me, so guess i don't have to worry about issues like "Is it worth it?"

Kinda feeling abandoned at the moment,yet i feel no fear because i have confidence in myself :)

God!!!!

This post finds me on a Thursday afternoon,staring at the screen,listening to some arbit hindi song that randomly starts playing on my system wondering the 1 question that's always bugged me from time immemorial (Or atleast since i started thinking deeply) "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON".

Tough question above,the only question which a semi decent quizzer like me has never been able to answer. The problem with the above question is that it never has a simple or a permanent answer unless you consider total confusion to be an answer which is not exactly correct all the time. The answers keep changing,the questions don't.

I'm kinda coming to terms with all that's happened since my 20th birthday. The minute i turned 20,i was literally pushed into a no man's land that's neither teenager nor adult and i'm still trying to get a grip. I know this sounds cliched,but since I've turned 20,I've been in a permanent state of free fall and everytime i've managed to hold on to something,it's broken off faster than i could settle into it.

It's been crazy,it's been insane,it's been ruthless,But overall it's been pure unadulterated fun!! The thing about my life is that when i'm surrounded by events happening around me,it never gets dull. It just moves from 1 point to the next at break-neck speed.


I still don't know where my life's headed and to be frank,I still don't care thank you very much.

Till the next entry ;)

20/20

Oh yeah,Can't believe i'm getting out of my fucking teens. Seriously, It's kinda crazy,for anybody born in 1988, you turn 20 and all you see around you is 20 thanks to cricket ;)

Freaky Friday is what it's gonna be this time. My birthday is on Friday the 13th,not exactly something to alarm the shit outta me except maybe for the fact that there are atleast 4 new movies releasing that day.

These days,looking at all the stuff that's happening around me, the fun,the tensions,the politics,the love,the hatred,the craziness,the moves,the countermoves etc,I sit,I watch,I laugh,I absorb the shock,I come to terms with the latest nonsense,I react,I stare,I dream,that's all i do.

Hell,here's wishing myself a happy 20th birthday in advance :),Hope this decade treats me better than the previous one.

My wishlist for this decade

1)I get a decent job
2)I make good money
3)I get the respect i deserve from folks around me
4)I make good friends
5)I finally get rid of my single status
6)I lose my virginity ;)

That's what i wish for. If i get it,good,if not,chuck it,there are other things ;)