Right Here,Right Now

Umm...!!!

2010-03-02T23:54:00.004+05:30

Warning...Kinda long,Kinda boring,Kinda personal yet worth sharing on the Internet!

Yet another day turns up where I want to update my blaargh with one of my trademark random posts which has been described by one of its "loyal" readers as "Starts in Mangalore and ends up in Mozambique", But trust me, The sight of the cursor blinking over a blank template is one of THE most intimidating sights ever. But i guess I ain't too scared coz 1) This is my blog and no matter how crappy the post is, I love readin' it ;) and 2) Once the words begin to flow...They just rush past and I gotta admit, The feeling's pretty damn exhilarating!

Lately the mind's been pretty fixated on The Road! Now, The Road is usually a theme explored by musicians who love using it as a metaphor for our path in life. Strangely enough...That's the reason why I keep dwelling upon it again and again. Now it's been almost a year since I took a snap decision to just take a year off and do NOTHING! Trust me..This decision sure had its share of critics. Well,when you come from a family of over-achievers, Doing something like this is just giving the critics ammunition to blow your head clean off (Dirty Harry style...Punk!!!).

So getting back to The Road! I mostly have a very romanticized notion of it. I like to imagine myself just walkin' down a highway..Dust all over my clothes...A guitar slung on my back...Sweat pouring down my face as the midday sun beats down mercilessly...Yeah! And to really feel it...I usually play Turn The Page by Metallica or Life Is A Highway by Tom Cochrane to stay in the flow.

But realistically speaking, The odds of my "fantasy" actually happening are frankly speaking pretty minimal. Coz 1st of all...Life on The Road ain't exactly a cakewalk. I guess what's going on in my head is the fact that I slowly am moving towards the future which involves becoming responsible and finally gaining the kind of freedom I want but for some reason fear. Life's hard. I don't disagree with that fact. I can't say whether I am going through some kind of Rite of Passage right now, But if I am..Wow, I really AM screwed :D

The one tendency of most people I know including me is that We idealize the past, neglect our present and fear the future. But given a choice, I'd bet each and every one of us would like to strut around singing "The future's so bright,I gotta wear shades"...But unfortunately, we aren't blessed with 20-20 foresight. Our vision of the future is blurred at best. It's like, We have certain vague objectives, But they are all expendable. We have the plan, which we fulfill in essence, But a very garbled version of it is what we end up with most of the time. We have our dreams. They're nice to look at. Nice to imagine. Nice to fantasize about. But for some reason when it comes to actually implementing...That irrational fear of the future walks in. And BOOM! We reach that climax which is famously known as CONFORMITY! .

Suddenly, The future gives way to the present. From fear, you graduate to neglect. Suddenly, what used to scare you now bores you. You literally go through the motion without even a semblance of feeling. The only thing that keeps you going is that suddenly your life feels validated. You've got a purpose in life. Even though it's just surviving and staying afloat, You find solace in the fact that even though you didn't end up all special and spectacular, You still managed to do that ONE thing that is considered "right" by the world we live in. Fulfilling your responsibilities. (Ok,sorry to go off track, but the above paragraph would sound so KICKASS if it was narrated by Morgan Freeman ;) ).

So right now...What's troubling me is How do i find this middle ground, this balance between my dreams and the fact that I ain't gonna be able to just float through life without any worries and I gotta take up responsibilities and manage them adequately. The Road is still ahead of me. My past is something I really want to leave behind except for maybe the few lessons in it. The Good memories, I think i'll bottle em up and save them for when I'll REALLY REALLY REALLY need them. The present...I think i shall focus on both a short term and long term plan of action...And yeah,continue on my quest to derive a short term form of enlightenment through Beer! And as for the future...I guess I'll just have to take it as it comes, Enjoy the good and Survive the bad! But ultimately I need to remember that the future is to be handled and customized according to my goals, Not feared and ultimately fucked!

Of Resolutions and Revolutions!

2010-02-04T16:37:00.003+05:30

Another year turns up with the "Enjoy it while it's around" sticker stuck on its forehead. This year however turns out to be doubly special in a statistical sense as it's not just the beginning of a new year...but a new decade too. Time keeps getting divided into smaller units, which are numerically significant but personally, you just couldn't care less :D

2010...2010...2010...Two thousand and Ten or Twenty Ten, However you say it, It just seems the same to me. Resolutions get made, get broken, get postponed, Usual shit. We wake up on the 1st day with a BAD hangover and promise ourself, Not to drink till we drop. But then you go about your routine, College stresses ya out, Work stresses ya out, Even doing absolutely nothing stresses ya out. Weekend comes about and you are buried in a glass of your favourite poison ;) Same routine with other resolutions...Lose weight, works for the 1st 2 weeks when ya survive on salads and whole wheat bread and stuff. Then comes along a whiff of Mutton Biryani or Butter Chicken or even the simplest of snacks,Pakodas(for the vegetarians)..Even chocolates for that matter. One look at that rich dark bar of pure sin and you are thinking "Tomorrow i'll walk half a mile more" and OKTATABYEBYE to that resolution too :P

Trouble is the human race is a race of extremists. We are an extreme people. It's either THIS or THAT. There's no MAYBE. You think about it, You just figure out that "Boss,no matter how smart folks were back in the past, Even Rome wasn't built in a day". Any big decision you make takes a little prep work and a shitload of patience to complete.

You notice any major revolution that took place. Whether the violent ones like say the French Revolution where loads of folks lost their heads(Literally and Figuratively) or the Italian Revolution (That led to a fashion disaster known as the Red Shirts adopted by debonair individuals like Mithunda, Jeetendra and the disco king Bappida) or even the non-violent ones like the Green Revolution(followed by Manoj Kumar who got less patriotic and more jingoistic with every movie he made) and the White Revolution(Doodh Doodh Doodh Doodh,Piyo Wonderful Doodh...I know,memorable and yet makes you fall off your chair laughing) took their own sweet time to truly become a revolution. They may have been conceived in a moment of madness...But were sustained in millions of moments of sensibility and patience.

If you think about it...even Love is a revolution in a way...Starts off with the intensity of a 1000 blazing suns(I know i know,don't judge me for using lame metaphors)..But when sustained, it develops into a mind-blasting, heart-stopping and life changing experience..One whose results stick around for a lifetime :D..

Every resolution when handled with the right balance of Passion and Patience leads to a revolution. It could lead you to exactly what you want and it could also end up blowing up in your face. But there is absolutely NO denying the fact that it changes you in such a way that there's no way back to what you used to be.

I've had my share of broken resolutions, I've been through a few revolutions and am in the midst of a couple right now. I have absolutely no idea as always about The Whats,The Whys,The Wheres,The Whens and The Hows....The consequences seem obvious to me and yet there is a possibility of a sudden twist in the plot. I don't have a clue about whether my life's a road, a whirlpool or even a bloody cup of coffee inside a microwave oven :P...Hell, Maybe the answers lie in a nice chilled mug of beer or a hot steaming cup of tea or a pile of garbage on the street. LOL! Maybe in my next post too :P

Oooohhh...The weather outside!!

2009-12-26T18:34:00.000+05:30

There's a quote in Fight Club...If you woke up in a different time in a different place...would you wake up as a different person?

The Tyler Durden inside me shrugs indefinitely and tells me to put a cork in it...."Jesus man...Do ya gotta ask weird quasi-philosophical questions and screw my trip?"....Well funny story...My brain while usually in the state of immobility perks up at all the weirdest times and then 1 stupid question thought about in a state of absolute laziness turns into a "Find answer or go nuts" type situation...

Maybe in a truly sane world..Insanity would be considered a rare virtue...Something possessed only by souls who live in a higher consciousness....

Philosophy is like this pet that kinda improves your mood when you are totally down....But usually causes a mess at the strangest times making ya go "Bad Philosophy...Very Bad Philosophy"...

Now I've kinda been shuttling between 2 different places....One that's characterised by chills and smoke and another that's characterised by Heat and Dust (Merchant/Ivory,Take a bow :P )...And this Fight club funda kinda applies to me..Maybe it's the weather or maybe it's the fact that i live different lives in these 2 places which is why I feel like a different person now.

This whole feeling of Jet-lag doesn't apply to time only but involves the space part of the continuum too....Of course the thought of suffering from Jet Lag coz ya travelled just 300 miles is as stupid as a lot of ideas.

Right now though, I don't give a rat's ass about any such ideas....All I'd like to do is walk in to one of my regular haunts, listen to something that doesn't give me a headache and well...indulge in some meaningless conversation :D

And yeah,Merry Christmas(Belated) to whoever's reading this...Hope ya get whatever ya wish for :D

Phhhhhrrrrbbbbbtttttt!

2009-12-18T00:48:00.000+05:30

The title of my post is a reaction to all that's annoying about the world around us :D....Popularized by Rowan Atkinson (Mr Bean to those who don't know this comic genius) It's an expression to which I've kinda developed an addiction lately.

Think of this bad dream that you saw today morning....Imagine it takes a human form and cultivates this habit of annoying ya throughout your day....I'd see it as the annoying dude who stands behind ya and goes "Hiya Pal" with an extremely nasal voice making you want to punch him in the face. The trouble with seeing a bad dream is that it just adds to the "Questions without Answers" part of your brain.

More annoying than bad dreams are the weird ones. You know the ones that involve break-dancing hippos and people who you'd least expect to see popping up in a cinematic representation of your sub-conscious. They are the kind of dreams that make ya walk around the whole day with your face shaped like a question mark and make you wish you had a copy of that book on dreams written by Freud.

Something as Phrrbbttt inducing as the examples cited above are Bad News. You know the kind. Especially news that are not as bad as they are embarrassing and annoying. And if ya gotta smile through the whole ordeal...Maybe that's why all those dudes end up snapping, goin apeshit and grabbing a gun and turning folks into artistic impressions of Swiss Cheese.

Fantasies are fun....Reality, Not so much....;)

Annoying superiors....The "I do not command respect coz I'm a world class schmuck...But i do demand it because I'm insecure as hell and need to reaffirm the fact that I am superior to some really unlucky fucks". Seen this class of people loads of times. Makes ya wanna stick your tongue out and go Phrrrbbbbtttt so vigorously that they blow off....But for some reason these are the kind of guys who end up on top and unfortunately for us, do not allow us to forget that fact.

Bad Movies...Especially if they've been hyped as the greatest movie since Sliced Bread....These are the kind of movie which the extremely hyper dude on one side of you will be laughing his ass off at because it is sooooooooooooo funny........NOT and some annoying screechy gal on the other side of you will be squealing in excitement because the hero is oh sooooooooooo cute and sweet!!!!!! These kind of movies usually star the flavor of the season who for some reason thinks that his/her presence is enough to make the movie a hit....Funnily it works at all the wrong times...

Server slowdowns on any social networking site.......Page looks like it's about to load.....Server Not Found!......Refresh Button pressed gently.....Page loads halfway and then gives up due to lack of motivation....Refresh Button pressed a little less gently....Page loads in the same amount of time I could've taken a tour of the Universe......In the meantime....Refresh Button pressed with the same feeling with which one punches the daylights of an enemy.....Page finally loads fully....Nobody's commented on my oh so freakingly cool status update......Or on my "Look at me I'm so hot" pics....Life Stinks!

Flight Delays.....Annoying voice on P.A System "This is to inform you with some regret(Yeah right!) that Flight Number $@#! to *insert destination here* has been delayed due to Technical Difficulties (Oh yeah,never heard that before)......Sit on extremely uncomfortable seat in the middle of the "Swanky yet Accessible" lounge......Try making eye contact with extremely attractive lady in front of you *crashes and burns*......Bah! Women!.....Walks around airport lounge till security starts giving ya weird looks....Makes calls to friends who are all not in the mood to talk....Bwah!!!! I'll go fly the damn plane myself....3-4 agonizing hours later....Annoying voice on P.A System "Boarding's been announced"....Say,that voice ain't too bad ehh.....Enters plane beaming hoping to be seated next to remotely attractive woman.....Ends up sitting next to extremely annoying middle aged corporate honcho who has a lot of gyaan to share...but not his cash :P.......Honcho flirts with gorgeous air-hostess...She responds.....Bah!!!

More to come soon....Maybe someday when I'm actually pissed off :P

Is It Just Me....

2009-12-10T13:51:00.000+05:30

...or is it not me :P

E-mails...Messages...Tweets...Updates...Text...Words...Letters.....?

Not exactly trying to convey something here....More like something off the top of my head or possibly through the back of it :P

Ahh need a walk badly...Need a long walk to think about nothing at all...

Telangana...A new state comes up....So what i wonder??

Another status update comes up saying something or the other....Cool :)

Mobile buzzes with activity....Something interesting i guess...

Gaze shifting to pile of DVDs....Yes Minister or Rock On....Or maybe Crank 2:High Voltage....Spoilt for choices here..But not a clue about what to watch...

India lost yesterday....From Numero Uno to this...Weird people :P

Terrible Dinner last night...Hopefully tonight should make up for it....Money for nothing can piss people off...

1 week since CAT....Wonder what's the state of my exam :P

SNAP coming up....May do well...May not...Should see...

Right! Kaltofy now :P Update somethin' later maybe

It's Like.......

2009-12-06T19:01:00.000+05:30

It's like........

That's how i usually go when asked to describe something that's beyond description. Right now I alternate between the states of sleepy annoyance and sleepy cheer :P...Elvis belts out Blue Suede Shoes...I rock back and forth in my chair and wonder why the hell I like this song so much :D.......Just got back from a trip to Bangalore where I pretty much bet my future on the whims and fancies of a random computer.....The roulette wheel spins, but i don't see a number yet....Guess I'm still in the game for now.

The mind vacillates from one mood to another, one fantasy to another....But certain things stay the same.

Food!!!!.....One of my favorite topics of conversation. And truly one of the greatest pleasures of life ;)...To experience and to indulge in...

Movies!!!!......Again a favorite topic...Whether you are able to escape from reality and settle down in a different world,say The Shire from Lord Of The Rings or even the darkest recesses of someone's mind or a loving joint family in an ideal world...Movie watching has always been a true pleasure. Especially if the story's so good that it gets you involved.

Books!!!!!.... They say a picture speaks a thousand words.....But sometimes a thousand words can trigger off a million emotions...It can inspire...It can sadden...It can amuse...It can even educate...But make no mistake, Reading is one of the greatest cerebral pleasures one can ever enjoy without feeling any guilt :D

Writing!!!!... Now I agree I'm not a regular blogger. Just a regular guy who comes up here and writes irregular stuff. But I do agree with the title of my blog because I usually write about the here and now. Sure it's about me...But then,if i wanna read random opinions about something i don't care about resulting in either amusement or simple indifference, The World Wide Web's got enough shit out there to read till the world ends.

The advantage of being random is it makes conversations fun. At least for me it does. Where's the fun in rambling on and on about some topic no matter how inflammatory it is if ya ain't gettin' anywhere? Makes sense right? Yeah well what can we do? No matter how unpleasant our voice may sound to others, to us it is THE most intoxicating sound ever :D....

No idea behind this post. No plan to fit in with the greater scheme of things. Just some words pushed around here and there to form a small stream of coherence or incoherence...Depends on how ya see it ;)

Fake Smiles and Covered Miles!!

2009-11-09T22:58:00.000+05:30

Bah!!! Grr!! etc etc.....

I gotta ask.....Why is it that nothing is ever what we think it is? Take a beautiful painting that's been around for sometime. From a distance, It looks beautiful. It looks perfect. You can't seem to find any fault with it. But the minute you get up close and personal, You see the cracks. The glitches. They may be negligent. They may be subtle. But sometimes they are obvious,even painfully so. And that gets you thinking. It changes your perspective about the painting. The question is, Are you able to accept it in spite of all the glitches or do you just move on the another painting that's more "perfect"?

I see it everywhere. I see it in myself too. This tendency of the human spirit,not to break under the most trying circumstances. The cracks under the facade of perfection that we try to portray to anybody who's looking. Now, any damage is reparable to a certain degree. It can be glued together and made to look as good as new through the glue of emotion or practicality. Sometimes you let the cracks that begin to appear in your life get fixed through love and acceptance or through a pretense of conformity. But after a while, as the damage turns irreparable, Are you still able to accept it? Can you look past the damage and see the bigger picture? Or do you move on to something less complicated but with lesser meaning too?

I'm still walking down this road as I hate driving :D....I hitch a ride occasionally to get me through certain bad roads. But mostly, It's just me and my trusty old legs that refuse to give up and want to keep walking :D....What about you,Yes you,the one that's reading this....Have you stopped for good or do you plan to stay on the road and show the finger to failure that creeps up on you in the form of anger, exhaustion, cynicism and hopelessness???

Think about it ;)...You've got all the time in the world :D

Overwhelmed!

2009-10-09T19:55:00.000+05:30

Why is it that the brain which can handle any amount of useless information starts acting up the moment it starts taking emotions in? It's like,No matter how much you read and remember,It doesn't matter. But if You are handling a number of situations, all of a sudden, You are feeling overwhelmed and unable to handle it. It's almost as if, the brain has decided to mix up these emotions rather than looking at them objectively and your insides ended up feeling like they've been tossed into a blender.

I try my usual technique, Resigned Indifference. Doesn't work. Now I'm at a loss. Trouble is, I can't talk. I mean I can talk about it, but to whom? It's all so weird. It's like the tale can't be told yet. Premature, yet with a punch! So, as of now,Taking a few deep breaths, Gritting my teeth and dealing with it.

Like Bob Dylan once said "People are crazy, Times are strange, I'm Locked in tight, I'm out of range, I used to care, But things have changed".

Kwazy!

Doing Good!

2009-09-06T22:53:00.001+05:30

Is it completely possible to eradicate that slight bit of selfishness behind even the noblest of deeds? Just asking ;)

Longevity!

2009-09-03T00:32:00.000+05:30

What's the difference between an idea and a great idea?

Longevity!

What's the point of having an Idea, no matter how earth shattering it may be if it doesn't last the initial euphoria?

Ummm......

2009-08-31T23:18:00.000+05:30

Warning: Extremely Personal and Self-referential(Yeah yeah,been there done that)

Like always...Every post containing words is preceded by a million blank ones....Every decent idea i get is only after the rejection of a million bad ones....

Lately, I've been trying this new thing where I try to be not just a better person, But also a more secure person :).....

The past few weeks have literally been cathartic in nature as I've tried to kill all the bad in me...Now I know that a person cannot be a 100% good or a 100% evil. The problem with value education is that we are taught to view everything in black or white. But there lies the trouble! How does one react to Grey?????? This is a question that has troubled me a LOT!!!

One of the greatest flaws in my character is that I try to simplify everything i see..Now Science basically boils down to the simplest explanation, But what about Art? Can Art be explained in just a word or a sentence? Why I ask this is because Life to me is more Art than Science? Birth and Death may be scientific, But what about the time in between?

Coming back to the flaw in my character...I can be accused of viewing Life through that highly simplified perspective which has led to me committing many fatal flaws which in a way has led to me losing a few battles.

But there is one extremely valuable lesson I've learned recently. The person who is most uncomfortable with himself is the one who can cause maximum destruction in order to feel that minimum sense of adequacy....The most angry person is the one who has been denied the one thing we always crave for...Acceptance. Thinking about it, It's extremely saddening to watch. The smartest, The best looking, The most talented, Yet never happy with what they are. Always craving to be someone else.

Ultimately It's how you look to yourself, Not to the rest of the world right????

I've learned this..But will I be able to follow it? Can I walk the walk? Only Time Will Tell...Till then, I can only pray for following the right path :)

Not Yet Back In The Game,But Getting There!

2009-07-12T19:29:00.000+05:30

Yeah,Like the title suggests,Am not yet back to my blogging finesse....But the way life's going lately, It's gonna be back soon. Anyways,reason for this post is a couple of weird thoughts I had today....

Flash Of Brilliance 1: I don't think you should tell a friend "I'm always gonna be around"....You are around for your friend only when you are around...Go figure :D

Flash Of Brilliance 2: You live in a place long enough, You end up becoming like that place....For example...You live in Mangalore long enough...You become like the place....Laid-back,Relaxed....And worst-case scenario....BORING!!!!!! But say you live in a big city say Mumbai or New York, You reflect the pace of the city...Your personality is dynamic,exciting and I'd say Addictive too...

Wonder what the others (referring to my friends and the loyal readers :P of this blog) have to say about this.....

Back Again!

2009-03-10T23:17:00.001+05:30

Like a long lost friend,I return to my blog who stands waiting for me,steadfast and never wavering(Yawn!!! already reading that overwrought piece of prose).......

Since my last post,been coming to terms with the fact that a rather long chapter of my Life that I've been used to since 3 years is now coming to a close. The only thing that has sort of kept me going through these days is the constant flow of beer :D, It's been like every other day we have a faux farewell party only to meet again the next day. However this is gonna end real soon....

Now as this chapter comes to a close, We'll notice that most folks will go their own way. One shall return to his hometown to an uncertain future, One will stick around wondering what the hell to do with his life, The one who has it all figured out will just move on the next level with quite some ease :)...... And of course, Some of the gals i know, They've already started making wedding plans(Just let me know when you are deciding the lunch and dinner menus).....

Now I myself am sticking around because I'm being lured by 2 lucrative careers, even though my heart's set on a 3rd one ;) But i know that I'm gonna end up somewhere sooner or later, So am not too concerned.

The only issue that's bothering me right now is the long period of solitude coming up in the coming months...And solitude isn't exactly my best friend ;)

Time to start Living i guess, Let's see where life's gonna take me next :D

Lookin' Back!

2009-02-16T22:26:00.001+05:30

Well!!!!

As I reach the end of a rather interesting,twist filled,intriguing(and various other adjectives you'll probably find at the back of some random novel) chapter of my short life, Methinks it's time to start a little "looking back over my shoulders" session but nothing too long and boring( like stories i normally find funny :P )..

It's been a fun ride, These 3 years, have had my shares of ups and downs,loads of downs,but quite a few ups to make up for it....

Ups like winning some major quizzes, making some great friendships, learning a lot of crazy new stuff and certain practical lessons too...

Downs like misunderstandings, politics, fights, fuck-ups etc etc....

But some of the stuff I learnt in here were

* Life goes on, You ain't indispensable
* The really smart guy is the one who knows when to shut the fuck up
* Nothing's ever worth losing sleep over, If ya can't solve something, Just chill,It'll sort itself out :)
* The only memories You'll eventually have left are the good ones :D
* Booze rules, But just don't overdo it :)
* When it comes to Gals, Totally different playing field, Totally different rules ;)

That's all, No more gyaan, No more bullshit, Just me racing towards the climax of an exciting chapter in my life :)

Uh Oh!!!

2009-01-14T20:56:00.000+05:30

Scarily Close to the edge!!! Looks like I'm gonna fall off any minute now.....

Life's A Lesson,You'll learn it when you're through!

2008-12-10T17:11:00.000+05:30

Oh Man Man Man Man Man!!!!!

Suddenly, Life's getting a little too real......If you look at Life as an investment

Investment= Return - Pretty Good :)
Investment > Return- Awesome!!
Investment < Return- Crappy :(

Right now Life's kind of in da Crappy phase......It's like either I expected too much or maybe Life just enjoys kicking me in the nuts and at this moment i feel the wind flying out of my sails and this sick feeling in my gut.....

Frightening, Looks like I gotta learn how to use my fear to work for me like they say in all of them self-help books

The Scene!!!

2008-11-30T00:46:00.000+05:30

Lately, As I drift through here and there meeting random people, The FAQ in my head's like "What's the scene".....

All that's happened lately has been a blur. A blur of incidents passing by so fast I could hop on one of them and I'd reach Bangalore within a few minutes. It's literally Life at the speed of thought. Crazy Crazy Crazy. I ask myself why I've been letting stuff just pass me by. Funda's simple, If I don't care about something, I'm not sure I wanna be on board :) It's more like, Leave me alone, I'll grab the next one :)

One thing I've learned lately is that Ego can be like booze. The right amount can get ya going anytime and anywhere. A little bit of Ego's always required to get that competitive edge. But too much of it can kill ya...Not necessarily lead to your physical death, But the death of something inside you, Maybe the good in you..

More to come soon....

Flights Of Success!

2008-10-28T00:39:00.001+05:30

Weird philosophical fundas float through my head at times.....

Today's Funda:

Success is like a flight...

It doesn't just happen, You need to keep trying, A few crashes later, it'll happen(Wright Brothers, I salute ya)

It can happen at the right time if you are on the right airline.

If it ain't your time, You'll get delayed, but you'll get there eventually.

If your luck is bad, your flight can get canceled.

If your luck is really bad, your flight can get hijacked.

But if your luck is really really bad, your flight can even crash.

And yeah, there's always a ground staff(support system) to make sure you take off smoothly.

I'd explain more, but am sure this is pretty much it.

Random Title!

2008-10-17T01:08:00.000+05:30

Middle Of The Night, Usual story i face at this time of year. Anything i say to my conscience, It replies "You talkin' to me", Strange thing, It's beginning to sound a lil too much like Robert De Niro.
Scary!!

Right now, I seriously am confused. I don't know whether my instinct is different from the Devil inside me ;) I'm trying to filter out urges brought about by the devil,but i keep getting tricked into thinking that these urges are what i am supposed to do. Happens to all of us at some point, I guess..

Feelin' The Heat!!!

2008-10-07T22:50:00.000+05:30

As of this moment, I'm burning with a fire, A fire inside me, A fire that seems like it will incinerate my insides and leave me a soulless body with just a superficial layer to show for myself.

I feel the heat of anger- The fire of anger is white, It blinds me, It provokes me to destroy, to carry out a spell of destruction, to devastate anything that blocks my way.....

I feel the heat of passion- This heat pushes me forward, pushes me towards my goal. It refuses to stop pushing, It makes me want, It makes me desire, It makes me want to run even faster towards my destination, It makes the road seem much shorter than it actually is.......

I feel the heat of fear- The fear that tries to keep me down, The fear that nags at me, The fear that claws at me, The fear that makes me want to give up, The fear that makes me want to cry. Even though i feel it, Even though it's burning me, I refuse to acknowledge its presence except when i try to convert it into passion....

I feel the warmth of love- The warmth that keeps me secure, The warmth that spreads all over me like a cloak, The love that i don't recognise, The love whose source or form I can't see, Yet i feel it, I feel the presence of a reassuring benign friend, a lover, a parent, a sibling, a whole family....

Ha!

2008-10-05T23:55:00.000+05:30

And things are just back the way they should be......

Of course,things haven't changed drastically,I'm not yet successful,not yet hitched,but these ain't the mainstays of my life. The things that act as the fabric of my life have managed not to unravel fully and have been woven back together into a completely new design ;)

Until the next hole :D

At Wit's End

2008-09-02T22:17:00.000+05:30

Am truly at my wit's end. Things are just changing and changing and changing, I'm facing the kind of storm I'd never even dreamed about. It's like I got no moves at all to counter what's coming at me. I'm just getting hammered and hammered and hammered, Yet for some reason, I'm still standing and ready to face obstacles one after the other, each worse than the other, each tougher than the other.

Suddenly, I feel alone. Deserted. It's like whatever bad things I've done in my past have all caught up with me and are making me face what I've done. I don't know right now what I must do. I wish I could escape from this, But I don't want to. I just want to wait and wait to see how this ends.

Someday It's gotta end, Maybe earlier, Maybe just in time, Maybe when it's too late. Let's see

Learnt Something!

2008-08-17T17:09:00.000+05:30

I learnt something today

"The more effortless something looks,the more is the amount of effort put into it"

My Funeral March!

2008-08-04T21:38:00.000+05:30

When I Die, I want this song to be played at my funeral

If I leave here tomorrow
Would you still remember me?
For I must be travelling on, now,
cause there's too many places Ive got to see.
But, if I stayed here with you, girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.

Bye, bye, its been a sweet love.
Though this feeling I cant change.
But please don't take it badly,
cause lord knows I'm to blame.
But, if I stayed here with you girl,
Things just couldn't be the same.
Cause I'm as free as a bird now,
And this bird you'll never change.
And this bird you can not change.
Lord knows, I cant change.
Lord help me, I cant change.

Again!!

2008-08-04T20:45:00.000+05:30

Damn It!!

Again I find myself at a point where I seriously wonder "WTF am i even doing here". Blank, Confused and Cynical, exactly how i feel at the moment. Blank because nothing's making any sense, Confused because I don't know what to do and Cynical because this is a been there done that situation for me and nothing good's ever come out of it :)

I also wonder at times whether I should stop trusting people completely. Because lately what i've observed is that there is no use trusting anybody even a little bit because that they are resourceful and cunning enough to turn that little fiber of trust into a rope and strangle you with it at worst or atleast tie you up leaving you immobile yet watching.

The one thing that can frustrate you in life are limits. Whether it's in what you are doing or whether it's in yourself that the limits exist, they can inhibit you from carrying out something with the dedication and skill it deserves. If the limitation is something you were born with, nothing much you can do except try working around it a bit. But what if the limitation is self-imposed??

Questions that sear at my flesh.....Hopefully I shall have the answer someday :)

Rumble...Ramble....Rumble

2008-08-03T22:22:00.001+05:30

Lesson Of The Day: Cough Syrup CAN get you high

This is an example of a lesson i actually enjoyed learning ;) The sobriety of the past few weeks has been getting a little monotonous. Surprisingly, My health's been acting up at a time when it should absolutely not thus settling the argument that shit and bad luck always turn up at the wrong effin' time.

Funny thing about life is when you want to savour a good feeling, you never have the time to as something or the other just blitzes you away and keeps you occupied. But when you are trying to get rid of a bad feeling, Life suddenly slows down and makes you feel every nuance of that feeling till it passes which adding to the pain takes its own sweet time passing you by.

Lately, even though i'm known to occasionally lament my single status, I am also prone to thanking my stars for still keeping me single. The insanity that prevails among the couples around me makes me wonder whether i am actually prepared to sacrifice my sanity for some random gal. Also,for some reason, i'm not someone who can bear listening to a woman's tales of woe. I may be listening politely with an understanding look on my face, but my Inner Monologue will be asking the gal to cash in her reality check i.e deal with her issue and in the process get a life(Sounds scary,But that's me).

Can't think of any way to conclude this strangely random post,but who cares,My blog,My style ;)

Fade To : Silence!

2008-07-30T19:33:00.001+05:30

Laughing at life and its various idiocies has always been a favourite pastime of mine. It's something I've always enjoyed doing since quite some time now. But suddenly, Life's laughing back at me,and unfortunately for me, It drowns out my laughter by a few million decibels!

Weird as it may sound, I actually started acting all out of character since the past couple of weeks. I tried turning into my imaginary alter-ego for sometime. But I conveniently forgot the fact that my alter-ego exists in an equally alternate dimension where there's no such thing as a consequence. Pity, it's consequence that provides a foundation for every action in this universe.

Right now,I'm suddenly beginning to realize that I've changed a little too much and it's not being appreciated ;) While the more confident me has found a few takers, It has apparently rendered me "inaccessible" to a lot of people. Weirdly, I hated the accessible me because it gave people a pretty decent opportunity to dump all their crap on me.

I've basically started hating all my weaknesses which has sort of motivated me to start working on them so that even my weaknesses become my strengths. That's gonna take some time i guess, But hell, still got a long haul in front of me, so guess i don't have to worry about issues like "Is it worth it?"

Kinda feeling abandoned at the moment,yet i feel no fear because i have confidence in myself :)

God!!!!

2008-07-03T16:52:00.000+05:30

This post finds me on a Thursday afternoon,staring at the screen,listening to some arbit hindi song that randomly starts playing on my system wondering the 1 question that's always bugged me from time immemorial (Or atleast since i started thinking deeply) "WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON".

Tough question above,the only question which a semi decent quizzer like me has never been able to answer. The problem with the above question is that it never has a simple or a permanent answer unless you consider total confusion to be an answer which is not exactly correct all the time. The answers keep changing,the questions don't.

I'm kinda coming to terms with all that's happened since my 20th birthday. The minute i turned 20,i was literally pushed into a no man's land that's neither teenager nor adult and i'm still trying to get a grip. I know this sounds cliched,but since I've turned 20,I've been in a permanent state of free fall and everytime i've managed to hold on to something,it's broken off faster than i could settle into it.

It's been crazy,it's been insane,it's been ruthless,But overall it's been pure unadulterated fun!! The thing about my life is that when i'm surrounded by events happening around me,it never gets dull. It just moves from 1 point to the next at break-neck speed.

I still don't know where my life's headed and to be frank,I still don't care thank you very much.

Till the next entry ;)

20/20

2008-06-12T01:15:00.000+05:30

Oh yeah,Can't believe i'm getting out of my fucking teens. Seriously, It's kinda crazy,for anybody born in 1988, you turn 20 and all you see around you is 20 thanks to cricket ;)

Freaky Friday is what it's gonna be this time. My birthday is on Friday the 13th,not exactly something to alarm the shit outta me except maybe for the fact that there are atleast 4 new movies releasing that day.

These days,looking at all the stuff that's happening around me, the fun,the tensions,the politics,the love,the hatred,the craziness,the moves,the countermoves etc,I sit,I watch,I laugh,I absorb the shock,I come to terms with the latest nonsense,I react,I stare,I dream,that's all i do.

Hell,here's wishing myself a happy 20th birthday in advance :),Hope this decade treats me better than the previous one.

My wishlist for this decade

1)I get a decent job
2)I make good money
3)I get the respect i deserve from folks around me
4)I make good friends
5)I finally get rid of my single status
6)I lose my virginity ;)

That's what i wish for. If i get it,good,if not,chuck it,there are other things ;)

Kerrraaaaazzzzzyyyyyy!!

2008-05-28T01:53:00.000+05:30

Before you guys go off on some random tangent connecting me to KJo , Ekta Kapoor and the other K fixated individuals, lemme just say, WTF :D,if ya can't beat 'em join 'em...

Just got back home after the mandatory summer vacation trip to Bangalore. Normally,my blore visits are pretty long and everything,but this time i kinda figured i'll be better off with a short and sweet visit. Did the usual bit of eating(A bit would be an understatement) and shopping (That 70s show,Mahabharat,Scrubs and The Sopranos) and the socializing. Funnily, my last 2 visits to the city have been marked by major incidents in there,the last time i went there,The govt collapsed and Yeddy(Steady Go) ended up with egg(tomato if vegetarian) on his face. This time however the egg's been washed off by industrial strength shampoo and the face was glowing thanks to the application of Victory 1.0(Hopefully he should update it after 5 years). But this time's visit didn't just cause political upheaval,but also led to some serious action in the form of the new airport.

Caught my return flight from there today, Gotta admit, Bangalore International Airport beats the shit out of the other International airports in India when it comes to the overall swankiness factor. Wish i could've said the same thing about my flight. I don't get it. All right you guys are a low budget flight and all that,but is it a low budget trait to take off more than an hour late. 1st of all had a really stressful morning what with the last minute packing (My fave travel pastime) and me almost forgetting one of my essentials at home (oh the horror!) my earphones that is, and of course waiting for almost an hour for the damn bus to the airport to arrive.

At the airport it was equally surreal. The stare of admiration on checking out the snazzy interiors turned into one of SHOCK checking out the long line at the check-in counter(makes the line for the 1st day 1st show for a Rajni saar movie in Chennai look like a short one). Of course,the screaming kid behind me wasn't helping. Was kinda scary watching him throw his mom's mobile phone to the floor with absolute contempt. From then on,it was a long long wait for the flight punctuated by calls to random chatterboxes (Thank God for postpaid),wistful stares at the beauties sitting in the row across mine, even more wistful stares at the intercom praying for it to go "The boarding is announced for Flight $%% from Bangalore to Mangalore",but unfortunately that came after almost 3 hours.

But the fitting conclusion to the day came with my near death experience :P I know sounds kinda dramatic for me to make such statements, but trust me,anybody on my flight would've felt the same. The plane takes off and almost immediately flies right into an air pocket making us feel like we're inside a martini shaker. Then the plane drops and i don't mean a smooth landing drop. This was the real thing. Suddenly,my life's turned into an airplane disaster movie. Inside the plane it's like a horror movie with the lights flickering and the screams of the other passengers. I however was not gonna let my life end like this if it was gonna really happen. So i took a large swig of red bull,let the caffeine give me a good buzz and pumped up the volume on my headphones. What made it better was that i was listening to really aggressive numbers like The Kill,Broken Wings(The alter bridge version,not the Mr Mister version) etc. But what took the cake was that the name of the pilot was Captain Jesus. Yeah,i gotta admit i didn't see THAT coming. I half expected the dude to make an announcement saying "My name is Captain Jesus and I'm gonna introduce you to the real one in a few minutes".

To his credit though,we landed safely,otherwise it'd be weird writing this from heaven or hell(depending on God's mood). Most people would've had an epiphany or something after this incident. I just felt more hungry(Hadn't eaten all day), met up with a friend,enjoyed the greatest freaking smoke/drink/meal of my life,got home,popped in disc 1 season 1 of Scrubs,and said to myself "I love this fucking life".

And Now!!!

2008-05-08T20:24:00.000+05:30

I kinda like the title of this post. It reminds me of one of my favourite songs. Jumpin Jack Flash by The Rolling Stones. I've got 3 different versions of this song by the rolling stones and other cover versions by artistes as diverse as Guns'N'Roses and Ananda Shankar(WTF!!!). The and now!! comes from the time they performed at the rock'n'roll circus of 1968 where John Lennon introduced the band. Man,now if that doesn't define big,dunno what does. Almost like having the Pope as your chauffeur or Arnold Schwarzenegger as your personal bodyguard.

Well, the exams have been crawling just like i'd predicted in an earlier where i mentioned a relation between time and the heat. Exams!!! Jesus F******g Christ!!!! Why do these guys think that it's the best way to prepare us for the real world by bombarding us with stuff that doesn't mean shit in the real world?????? Now i get it when they teach us stuff like marketing concepts and stuff. But what truly defines shit is Computers. People are moving to high tech crime with concepts like Phishing and Pharming(Sounds like some idiot with a speech impediment made up this stuff), But we are being taught something that is more blunt than Simon Cowell on a bad day,stuff like Windows 3.1(Oooh so cool so high funda), MS-Dos( Wow,black and white user unfriendly command prompt,so much fun) and worse shit than that. Why don't they instead teach us stuff like how to look busy with a blank Excel spreadsheet on your monitor, dealing with office politics(that shit could be a master's degree course in itself), tolerating your Boss's bullshit(under societal ethics perhaps)....

I know i'm ranting, but then you've gotta agree with me. Nothing satisfies you more than a well expressed rant. Good food gives ya cholesterol, Cigarettes ruin your throat and other stuff, Booze fucks your liver, But a good display of anger, that makes ya feel lighter that the most advanced form of power yoga.

Power Yoga reminds me of all the skinny chicks we see on TV and in the movies. God Knows which idiot told them that their ribs showing is sexy!!!! Take for example, All the well known supermodels for example. They look more starved than sexy. You think she's looking at you hungrily, think again, she's probably imagining a good meal.

Arrite,i seem to be running out of excuses to rant :P No problem though,i'll find something new tomorrow.

Btw, Withdrawal symptoms+Red Bull+A LOT of Tea= Not such a good idea ;)

Well....

2008-04-27T23:40:00.000+05:30

Still stuck here with time slowly crawling by,moving fast when it wants to,crawling languidly at its worst. The dreaded exams have finally gained on me,only 1 day standing between me and them before i launch into one bloody battle. Ok that sounds totally cliched like some of the stuff you see on orkut profiles at this time of year, like this dude who goes "lost the battle of physics" blah blah blah ad nauseum. But gotta give a hand to the guy for glamorizing exams by giving it a Lord Of The Rings/Star Wars touch with stuff like Battle of blah blah. Kinda makes you imagine the guy dressed up like some medieval warrior fighting an orc.

My story right now is almost the same as it was the last time i posted. Now i've got 23 more days to go before I go off on another trip to my favourite destination Bangalore(I still can't bring myself to say Bengaluru,kinda pisses me off). A couple of years back,the main reason i used to love Bangalore was for its repertoire of culinary delights, But then Mangalore ain't no slouch in that field. Especially recently where restaurants have been opening up here at pretty reasonable intervals. But when it comes to materialistic nirvana,nothing beats Bangalore. It's been a paradise for me and Dante's Inferno to my dad who visualises money flying away at the speed of a jet when i just say "Bangalore" in front of him.

Last time i was there, I ended up at this place called National Market. Now to the outsider, it looks like the Black Hole of Calcutta, only instead of prisoners, you've got retailers and customers here. But to somebody who likes quality stuff,but hates spending too much for it, this is THE Place to be. The place turns me into a vampire at a blood bank. The place has got the biggest collection of DVDs of TV shows,Movies,music videos etc i've ever seen(People beg to differ saying that Palika Bazaar in Delhi and Chor Bazaar in Mumbai have got more stuff,but then i've never been to either of these places). In fact this is the only place where it took me more than 20 minutes to buy whatever i wanted. I've been known for buying my cellphone(worth almost 20k when i bought it,now not even half that price),a travel bag for Dad and a pair of leather shoes(worth 2 grand) within 15 minutes without even flinching. But this place kind of opened my eyes to why women spend so much time to just buy some clothes or shoes.

The last time i was there, i ended up buying the entire collection of Seinfeld, the 1st 2 seasons of Prison Break and the 1st season of Heroes. All these shows have been truly worth every buck i've paid for them. This time,i hope i get as lucky with what i'm buying,That 70s show,The Sopranos and if any money's left maybe Boston Legal.

But all this is still 23 days away,so till then,just pray that i survive these exams.

Minutes Past Midnight

2008-04-08T01:13:00.000+05:30

One of those nights indeed. Am halfway between total depression and laughing my ass off. Yep i can be a tad schizophrenic at times. This is just one of those nights where I'm still awake when i should have been in bed atleast an hour ago. Well, Boredom and Summer don't mix. Actually if you look at it, Boredom is like lousy booze, never mixes with anything.

Actually, If i look at my situation from a more sane perspective I shouldn't be cribbing about being bored as my exams are just around the corner and the last thing i should be is bored. But then I was never much of a studious guy. I am more of a last minute guy when it comes to academics, unfortunately for me though, my group of friends isn't the same. So while they're burning the midnight oil( Not really,they study all day long and sleep all night) I'm up here penning down my thoughts about well myself and life from my perspective (Sane at times,Insane all the time).

Ironically, my talent for writing bullshit blossoms at times like this when i should be involved in something more productive like studying till my brain explodes and then some more. This is when i think to myself "Thank God I'm not in engineering or medicine". And ironically, I feel bored the most during even numbered semesters whose exams come during summer. Oddly during odd semesters I never feel this way probably because of Diwali and a whole lot of other festivals happening at the time or maybe because odd semester exams aren't taken that seriously (Yeah right!!!). Another reason could also be the fact that the weather is more agreeable at that time of year whereas now time just seems stretched like a lousy Karan Johar movie.

Exams and me have never really gotten along except for a brief glorious period when i was in PU college when i actually used to look forward to exams because i was secure in the belief that i would score well. But now, College is a totally different ball game where your expectations are inversely proportional to marks actually scored. So in such a case, my interest in studies just waned. However this time, it remains to be seen how the coming exams will go, whether i'll be left smiling at the end of it or scratching my head going "What The Fuck?". Guess i need to butter up the Gods a bit this time. Hell, at the risk of sounding gay, I say "Que Sera Sera,Whatever will be will be".

Whoa!! Long Time!!

2008-04-04T00:46:00.000+05:30

Whoa!! Long Time!!

That's what my blog seems to be saying to me. Thankfully on more pleasant terms rather than a wife confronting a husband who walked out on her ages ago which going by experience (Not Mine!!) is followed by a long monologue on the shortcomings of the man, his lack of a couple of interesting body parts that are mostly covered up and blah blah. Well, I haven't exactly got any excuses on why this blog's been silent from ages. There has been a lot of stuff to write about. But like a guy about to break up with his girl would say "It's not you,it's me". Well,the writing bug is the only bug that ain't biting me lately. Probably felt sorry for all the sores on my body.

Today was a pretty interesting day. But it kinda had a sad tinge to it. The quiz club that i belong to is kind of coming to an end. It was fun while it lasted, but now most of the members are moving on the greener pastures leaving a few of us behind while we still come to terms with what we want to do with life. They say "All good things come to an end", but sometimes you wanna just scream "Why????".

I can't exactly blame myself for feeling this way. The club had sort of become a way of life for me. I've been into quizzing since i was really young, thanks to Bournvita Quiz Contest and all those GK books my Mom used to read which i ended up reading. Then of course, all the quiz competitions in school and even now in college have kept my interest alive. The club however played a major part in me improving my quiz quotient. I learnt that quiz wasn't all simple questions and slightly distorted pictures, but also workable passages and connections and fundaes , some random , some spectacular. I myself have improved pretty substantially at figuring out the most random connects.

Today's meeting was a sort of Grand Finale, so it was held at a larger venue with the members turning out in full force. Most of them have already relocated, but came back for this final farewell. It was a fun evening of questions, answers and good food.

The rest of the day was pretty all right. Had to get some pictures taken for some ration card thing, didn't exactly follow the reason. My eyes have this tendency to water the minute i stare at a camera which occurred today as well making the photo session an ordeal. Was impressed with the fact that these guys have actually started using web cams to take snaps thus saving a load of time. Then there were the fingerprint taking thingamajigs which were seriously cool. Then of course tuitions which I've actually begun to enjoy rather than dread.

Well,that's all for the moment,guess i'll write more often sooner or later

Long time!

2007-10-07T23:12:00.001+05:30

Been suffering from an extended case of Writer's block lately. Need to shove off the laziness. However not to worry. That's because my study holz are gonna be happening soon. So i'll be jobless enuff to update this baby.

Travel,A Crazy Baby and Neutrality - 2

2007-08-29T00:12:00.000+05:30

Ok, I'm back (Not that anybody cares). Well, the last time I wrote, i mentioned that we were at Margao railway station waiting for our train. Finally when the bloody train arrived,we were so tired that we ended up in the sleeper coach and happily paid 80 bucks extra each to settle there. Now I gotta admit,the route to Belgaum from Margaon was pure and simple heaven. That's the kind of stuff you get to see if you are a traveller. The journey made me realise why they say that Travel broadens a man's horizons. It is because you get to see a completely different side of the world. A world far removed from filth and ugliness. A world showing off its beauty to a few select people. And i was fortunate enough to see it.

Finally, We reached our destination for the next 3 days, Belgaum. Now Belgaum from what i heard is basically an Army cantonment surrounded by a city. Well,City is basically a little too much. It's more like a medium town,Not a small town because it's got something that catapults it out of the unremarkable list of small towns. CAFE COFFEE DAY. Yeah,Humanity's greatest benchmark of civilisation,a coffee shop. Unfortunately we landed at Belgaum railway station at night. Night-time is when all the shady characters turn up out of nowhere. And Belgaum wasn't behind in that league either. Some of the people looked so sinister they wouldn't be out of place in an Edgar Allan Poe short story. Luckily the organisers turned up and got us out of there.

I got into the ubiquitous auto-rickshaw with a couple of guys and we made our way to the hotel where we were to be put up. The hotel's name was Hotel Ramdev which seemed to be the only decent eating joint in the entire place (Don't forget CCD). I entered my room and nearly fainted in shock. There were 18 of us and only 3 rooms. So some last minute adjustments and damage control were done, But the fact remained that there were 5 of us sleeping in a room meant for 2 people. Cramping indeed. However when you are with friends, you tend to concentrate on more interesting things like the cute chicks around you.

I forget to mention one of our sources of Entertainment. Forgive me my Mallu friends if you are offended by this , but please remember, i mean no offence. There was this mallu gal in the next room who apparently thought it prudent to inform us about every damn action planned by her. It was tolerable to a certain extent, but what do you say to "I am in the toilet". Me thinks the hotel's walls are too thin.

The next day we woke up with grumpy faces and even grumpier stomachs thanks to the last night's hakka noodles at some restaurant where it seemed we were the 1st customers in a long time. However, We were at a fest and not on a holiday as was intimated to us by every 2nd person including the bellboy (No tips for you jerkoff!). Now luckily i didn't have any of my rounds that day, so i planned to roam around belgaum, paint the town red, flirt with some PYTs around and do anything that my imagination would permit. Or so i thought. To my horror i realised that i had forgotten about something really important, The Ice-Breaker....

Taking a leaf out of Ekta Kapoor's book

To Be Continued.....(Someday!)

Travel,A Crazy Baby and Neutrality

2007-08-25T19:35:00.000+05:30

Lately i've been doing a little bit of travelling here and there. A month back,i got the news that i'll be participating in my 1st ever lone wolf (Solo) business quiz. Now the term business quiz kinda sends shivers down my spine because unlike a regular GK quiz, i can never really get the hang of a business quiz because most questions in a business quiz come under 2 categories, Insanely easy and psychotically tough. And i am the kind of guy who never really likes to prepare for a quiz. So i just set out to Belgaum last week to face what would be a rip-roaring, mind-blasting experience.

Now, I'm not exactly a big fan of travelling. Especially when it comes to Long journeys, God alone knows how i manage to keep my sanity intact at the end of it. Like most Geminis i'm annoyingly restless and when i get restless, without my knowledge i get on other people's nerves. Add to that the consternation in my mind when i came to know that we have to change a train to Belgaum from Goa. But since i was too resigned to my fate, i resisted from cursing the Great Indian Railways(Which for your information is the organisation with the highest number of employees). Now the preparations for Belgaum began.

A typical management fest consists of the following events give or take a couple, Marketing , Stock, Advertising, Finance, Best Manager, HR and of course Business Quiz. Well, I've been a quizzer since my school days and been a pretty decent one at that (The trophies in my shelf stand as a testament to that) but back then, they were mostly general quizzes held at the district level, so the level of competition at that time was pretty easy, but the moment i stepped into college, i knew i was in a totally different ball game. Anyways that's history,will post more on that in some other post. Now as the preparations for this fest began, so did all the craziness. Turns out that we had to take a 1st yr team along too. So there was a little babysitting involved here(Any of my juniors read this,they're gonna kill me). So that led to late night reports, brainstorming sessions , lack of sleep etc.

Finally came the day of the journey, 6 hrs to Margao and 4 hrs to Belgaum from there. The 1st part of the journey was pretty dull, but the journey from Margao to Belgaum was pretty interesting.

Ok,this is turning into an epic,guess i need to wrap it up here for now,will move into the next part later

In The Name Of The Father

2007-08-06T19:58:00.000+05:30

Been biding my time lately watching all the insanity around me imagining myself as the calm little centre of this weird world.However things have been pretty interesting lately.Saw a couple of movies over the weekend.

Cash-Ugh!I was seriously disappointed after watching this movie.It had everything going for it,Cool promos,an equally good starcast(excluding Zayed Khan and the gals),an awesome soundtrack,mind blowing cinematography,pulse racing stunts and what not.But,the movie was 100% gloss and absolutely no substance.The movie moved at a sloooooooooooooow pace and the dialogues mostly sucked.The worst part was the writers of the movie tried acting clever and while in 1-2 instances,it actually worked making you go "Cool",the rest of the time you'd just go "Huh,What was that?".Guess we need to stop working on special effects and stunts and work on the stories.

Gandhi,My Father-How does one describe a beautiful work of art?That's exactly how i felt as i walked out of the theatre today,and it influenced the title of this post(and not the daniel day lewis movie as hollywood purists would think).The movie was sheer poetry.You feel every emotion that's portrayed on screen.Darshan Jariwala shows the vulnerable side of Gandhi with finesse.Akshaye Khanna who finally takes a break from overacting in movies like Salaam-e-Ishq and Aap Ki Khatir does some real acting and proves why he's such a fine actor.He brings out the frustration of Harilal Gandhi with perfection.I wish he showed the same dedication in choosing his movies.Shefali Shah is a pleasure to watch as always.She portrays the anguish of a woman caught in a dilemma flawlessly.Bhoomika Chawla is equally good as Gulab Gandhi and makes you want to see more of her.Anil Kapoor is truly a brave soul for having had the balls to invest in this movie.Unfortunately,the theatre was nearly empty,pity for the movie deserves more.Hopefully,it should be sent to the Oscars this time.

Besides all this,life's still the same as always.Having my share of fun.College is kind of getting more interesting now that all the activities have started.Got some serious travelling to do soon.
Anyways,will post more later.

Failure and The Aftermath-2

2007-07-24T19:39:00.001+05:30

Picking up from where we left off,I was reeling from the sudden news of results being out.However i got a call from my friend and i liked what i heard.However,i needed some retail therapy to recover.So,went on a bit of a shopping spree(Being generous here).

When you've got a hangover,you look at the world from a different perspective compared to how you look at it normally.1st of all,i think,Malls are over-rated.When people get all excited going "Hey,new mall coming up!!",I fail to share their enthusiasm.The 1st thing i look for in a mall is the food court,2nd the multiplex and 3rd the exit.Don't really give a rat's ass about the rest of the place.

Also,why is it that when they say 50% end of season,they don't really mean it?I always end up missing out on reading the fine print.And 1 more thing i've noticed is,All the big designer stores like Provogue,Indigo Nation or Levis are nearly empty.I always feel pity for the salesmen in there because theirs is a boring life and i'd feel even more pity if they were working on commission.

Coming back to the main issue,Failure can be painful to handle.Only way to handle it according to me is to take it like a man and not take it personally.Why i say this is because,at least you get to learn something good out of it,as long as you ain't overly sensitive.Why i hate failure is because i am my worst critic.Therefore,the kind of mental spanking i give myself is so painful i'm unable to emerge from the ruins for days.

But hell,Life's short,so don't take it too fuckin seriously else it's gonna eat you up.

Failure!

2007-07-24T17:39:00.001+05:30

Failure can be defined as the opposite of success.

None of us are strangers to failure.Everybody faces it at some point in their life.It's all about getting used to the feeling.It hurts the most when you have worked hard and are expecting good results and instead you end up with failure.But once you get used to it,It doesn't hurt as much.All you feel is total indifference.

Making The Right Choice

2007-07-22T21:12:00.000+05:30

How does one actually decide what is right and what is wrong?This is a question that has been nagging me a lot recently.

One example of it was last week.I had to review a movie for the website i work for.Now,i hated the movie.It was terrible and a strain on my sanity.But unfortunately i had to give it a good review.Now,if you are reading this,you may naively ask "Why?" and if you are worldly wise,you'll know why?But for those who don't,let me explain.Every website has given the movie good reviews except for one lone shining star.But even though my job came with the promise of creative freedom,it was far from it.I ended up following the general opinion.

Now this is where i start to ask myself,why didn't i just follow my gut instinct?Well,I'd loved to have done that,but unfortunately i couldn't because then i'd be accused of being "biased".Well,that's a pity because i know that what i watched was crap.But unfortunately,i am a part of the "thinking audience" which as we know is a minority in our country.The masses however loved the movie and have praised it to the skies.

God,why's this so confusing???

Humiliation!

2007-07-11T20:55:00.000+05:30

Warning:The following post contains a lot of negative vibes and is not exactly what i'd describe as feel good reading unless you are a sadist or my enemy.

Humiliation is lowering a person's status in his own eyes as well as other's eyes.

Being experienced in always ending up at the receiving end of humiliation,one would guess that I am used to the feeling.Well,in a way,it's led to heightened anticipation of the feeling in me,but the hurt,depression and self-loathing that follows,Nah,can never get used to it.

I've been a glutton for punishment since i was a child.I've been humiliated for a lot of things which may seem silly to those who did it or for those reading this,but to me,it matters a lot because now when i look back at what all humiliations i've been through,I think that maybe all these incidents have defined me to a major extent.

I have been humiliated for a variety of reasons since the beginning.Maybe the fact that i'm not a very sociable guy,my physical appearance,my lousy sense of timing etc etc.I don't know what,but a lot of ammunition has always been used against me for reasons way beyond my comprehension.Some humiliations can be justified as even i believe that i seriously had them coming,but some of them,i still maintain,i never deserved.They were just actions of pure spite by normal people having abnormal moments and unfortunately for me,my lousy sense of timing brought me in the firing line of their anger burst.

Now the above wouldn't have mattered to me had it not been for my high sensitivity level.Although i am not as sensitive as i used to be when younger,i still hate being embarassed.The problem here is that i never really grew a thick skin like most people i know.I sometimes wish that i could just forget whatever crap people tell me and move on,but sometimes it's just not possible as how much ever i try to forget it,I am not able to.

There are also many occasions where i have been used and taken advantage of by unscrupulous people who were out to pursue their own goals through me.An unfortunate problem i face(So do a lot of others) is that i am a little naive at times.Due to this,i end up trusting the wrong people most of the time.These people make me feel like they are my friends and will always be there for me while they have a good time at my expense and the day i cease to be of any use to them,they start treating me like shit and taking me for granted.

Why i am writing this is because today i went through another humiliation,this one coming after a long time and I seriously need to let off some steam.Now today's incident has left me confused.I don't even know if i had it coming.I'm not as angry about being rebuked by the authority as about the fact that a lot of people who hate me got a great opportunity to have a legitimate laugh at my expense.Now if my guess is right,i'll be the butt of jokes for a few days,then everybody will forget it,i too will forget most of it,but the humiliation will remain and will come up at the most inopportune times.

I know this is just another angry rant,but to be frank,this is what helps me from losing it.And to be frank,from now on,this is gonna be my only response to people who try to mess with my feelings and besides a wise man once remarked "It takes 72 muscles to frown and 34 muscles to smile,But it takes only 4 muscles to show them the finger"

Duh!!

2007-06-12T00:14:00.000+05:30

Am feeling kinda disoriented today.Today was the beginning of something that's gonna change my relaxed lifestyle for the next 1 yr.College reopened today.Man,i was feeling so disoriented throughout the day.Imagine,your 1st day in college after nearly 2 months and u end up listening to your lecturer go Bang Bang Boom(atleast that's how it sounded to me)about the rules and regulations and all that jazz.Add to that a nagging headache because of lack of sleep and you got one hell of a day.The highlight of the day was lunch,which was simply mindblowing(Never thought i'd admit to liking vegetarian food).But after that it got worse.The aftereffects of the lunch showed in class.We guys were so damn sleepy,it was a miracle we stayed awake.As soon as college was done,we went home and watched this extremely wacko movie called "Epic Movie".It's supposed to be a spoof of all the big budget movies,but it falls flat on its face half the time.Not worth your time and money.Anyways,brain's run out of thoughts(Like it's gonna be active this late in the night).

Death!!!

2007-06-07T14:03:00.000+05:30

Death is the permanent end of the life of a biological organism. Death may refer to the end of life as either an event or condition.

That is how the encyclopedia defines it.When you read it,it sounds so simple and uncomplicated.Sometimes you wish it were that way.But they forgot to add certain points in the definition like sudden,heart-breaking etc.It says,Death may refer to the end of life,but what after that?

The worst deaths can be the ones that are premature(before their time) and sudden(without any warning).They are the ones that cause the most pain because often in these cases,the loved ones don't have a clue that this may be the last time they are seeing the person.What makes it worse is the many things that have been left unsaid which leads the survivor down a self destructive path of "I should have told him/her how much i loved him/her" which in turn leads to suicidal and manic depressive thoughts and in the worst case scenarios,actions.

My experiences with Death have pretty much scarred me for life.It has made me slightly stronger,but also very paranoid.I do not fear my death,but i fear having to live through the death of my loved ones which is a fate worse than death.It is the closest equivalent of what hell may feel like.

Living and Dying By the gun

2007-05-25T18:49:00.000+05:30

Whew!!Just got back from Shootout at Lokhandwala.Its tagline says based on true rumors,but how much is true and how much are rumors are kinda hard to gauge in this movie.The plus points of the movie are the way it's been shot,the dialogues and the background music.Also,to an extent,the performances are not bad.However not all is good in this movie.The violence while enjoyable is a little putting off as is the crudeness of the dialogues.Another beef i got with this movie was the absolute wastage of Abhishek Bachchan.Why cast him in that 2 bit role if u are gonna bump him off in like 5 mins.But to be fair,loved his entry in the movie.

The best parts of the movies are the shootout scenes.But,the way some of the criminals are despatched to hell leaves you dissatisfied.Vivek Oberoi is rather inconsistent in the movie.Why i raise this point is because this movie is being hyped up as his comeback vehicle.While in some scenes he's brilliant and freaks you out with his menacing portrayal of Maya Dolas,at some points he just looks like a bad clone of SRK.Tusshar Kapoor is equally freaky,but that beard of his stands out like a sore thumb.In fact,the most convincing of the 5 main villains was Shabbir Ahluwalia who really scares you.

Among the heroes,1st of all the Big B.God,why did he ham so much?while he's funny at times,sometimes he just gets on ur nerves and his dialogue delivery reminds you of Family.Suniel Shetty finally acts well for a change.The friendly sparring between him and Arbaaz Khan is fun to watch.Arbaaz however makes good use of his wooden expressions in this movie.Sanjay Dutt however is pretty good in his role.Acts very well as ACP Khan.

The ladies have nothing much to do here except look good and cry when prompted except maybe Diya Mirza who as usual pisses you off.Amrita Singh is really good,but you wish that her accent would stay more consistent.

Overall a paisa vasool movie.Especially for the action junkies and the Sanjay Dutt/Suniel Shetty fans.

Life at the speed of a fast train!

2007-05-20T19:57:00.000+05:30

Life's tough.Drunk on beer,hardly any money in your pocket.You miss the last train home.2 and a half hours later,You are a millionaire.What happened in those 2 hours???Sounds exciting on paper huh.Works out equally well on the big screen.Watched this movie today at adlabs and gotta admit,120 bucks well spent.This is one of those movies u wish u were the hero off.Abhay Deol seems to have made it a point to act in GOOD movies(Honeymoon Travels being an exception)unlike his 2 more illustrious cousins.Neha Dhupia is finally believable as a prostitute.Add to that a motley crue of really weird characters like a short don,a mahabharata spewing inspector,a henchman with a glass eye,a nana patekar lookalike,a rajnikant fan sub inspector etc and u have got 2 and a half hours of pure fun.

I'm rather pleased at the new developments lately in Indian cinema like the sudden focus on urban life,low budget movies with high quality stories and character driven movies.It's like a whole new wave movement like the one in the eighties,but with a more contemporary look at society.

If this continues,trust me,It's all good.

Back Home!!!

2007-05-06T23:29:00.000+05:30

Boarded a plane,landed in blore,caught a cab,went to her place,met up,had lunch,had icecream,went to aunt's place,crashed for the night,woke up,met up with her and other friends,attended a reunion,faced an interrogation,scared people with my new look(now old),met cousins,binged on beer and icecream,went home again,slept,woke up with hangover,went with cousin to random govt office,went on shopping spree at my regular bookstore,had mindblowing dinner,met her again,received parting gift,slept,woke up,boarded flight,landed back here,went home,attended pooja,reunited with beautiful niece.......

That in a nutshell were my last 4 days.Life's good.Song for this post is the title of this Blog

i wanna say heya to my playa reitish d
big props to piggy chops and chuck masta sippy
my crew the bluffmaster movie
and those hip hop fakers vishal and shekhar
here we go!

(come to me bhool jaaye sara jahaan
come to me hum banale apni nayi jagah) - 2

listen up girl

ek main aur ek tu hai aur hawa mein jaadu hai
aarzoo bekabu hai samjho saare baat baaki
waqt ka kya bharosa banke paani beh jaaye
kal agar na mil paaye reh na jaaye baat baaki
right here right now hain khushi ka samaa
wind your body one time
right here right now hum hai is pal jaha
wind your body two time
bhool jaao muskurao reh na jaaye baat baaki

ek main aur ek tu hai aur hawa mein jaadu hai
aarzoo bekabu hai samjho saare baat baaki
waqt ka kya bharosa banke paani beh jaaye
kal agar na mil paaye reh na jaaye baat baaki
come to me - 2

b l u to the double f masta let's take it slow girl im
a long lasta
yeah im a bad boy
but im a good girl
out in the club or on your bed or un your rug girl
my rides a maybach so lay back while i drop the play
back
get to my crib and then u'll ask if you can stay back
u fine so fine i'm gonna keep you smiling
nice eyes fine fur pimp styling

aao mil jaayen hum yu ke phir na ho judaa
never gonna let you go girl
never gonna let you go no no no no
na ho koi faaslen na ho dooriyan
never gonna let you go girl
never gonna let you go no no no no no no
right here right now hain khushi ka samaa
wind your body one time
right here right now hum hai is pal jaha
eind your body two time
bhool jaao muskurao reh na jaaye baat baaki

i'm the masta of the bluff stuff i take it smooth but
i love the rough stuff
the ladies just cant be getting enough of the love
stuff
now i can be gentle or i can be givin yea tough love

ek main aur ek tu hai aur hawa mein jaadu hai
aarzoo bekabu hai samjho saare baat baaki
waqt ka kya bharosa banke paani beh jaaye
kal agar na mil paaye reh na jaaye baat baaki
(come to me bhool jaaye sara jahaan
come to me hum banale apni nayi jagah)

Freedom Baby!!!!

2007-05-02T22:15:00.000+05:30

Man!!!Can't believe exams are finally done.Holidays are finally over my head.Now,i am not the kind of guy who's exactly enthusiastic about long holidays.Like most things,holidays aren't what they look like.Now you probably expect 40 days of freedom to be 40 days of crazy fun.Well,sorry to spoil your trip,but that's not what it is.Most of those days end up with you going nuts with boredom wondering what to do because you are so damn jobless.

Today,i was left wondering at the marvel of life.My niece who's barely a month old arrived here.Gotta admit,she's beautiful.It was fascinating for me to observe her mannerisms.Now i know why they say that playing with a baby makes you feel good.It is quite an experience.Especially watching her fall asleep so slowly,her breathing sounding as rhythmic as the waves of the sea.

I'm flying to bangalore tomorrow.Now generally,it's been my favorite holiday destination since a long time.That's because things are much simpler there.You know what to do,you know where to go,and the best part,you feel like home.Now i don't like going anywhere else because i end up feeling like an outsider there.But,not bangalore.It's like,i got this sense of belonging to the place even though i stay in mangalore.And,i can truthfully admit,Bangalore's the city that owns my heart.

The song for this post is Saving Grace by Tom Petty

I’m passing sleeping cities
Fading by degrees
Not believing all I see to be so

I’m flyin’ over backyards
Country homes and ranches
Watching life between the branches below

And it’s hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway
Don’t you baby?

You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace

I’m moving on alone over ground that no one owns
Past statues that atone for my sins
There’s a guard on every door
And a drink on every floor
[ these lyrics found on http://www.completealbumlyrics.com ]
Overflowing with a thousand amens

And it’s hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway
Don’t you baby?

You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace
Don’t you baby?

You’re rolling up the carpet
Of your father’s two-room mansion
No headroom for expansion no more
And there’s a corner of the floor
They’re telling you is yours
You’re confident but not really sure

And it’s hard to say
Who you are these days
But you run on anyway
Don’t you baby?

You keep running for another place
To find that saving grace

Don’t you baby?

Winning!!

2007-04-29T01:35:00.000+05:30

Everybody loves winning.Whether it's a galli cricket match or the world cup,college elections or national elections,It matters a lot.Trust me,winning is something that can get you out of a lifetime of depression.

To me,winning is like a drug.Addictive as hell,but once you lose touch,you don't miss it,but just look back and say "Boy,i did good"(i sound like a redneck).But seriously,winning is the only reason any person would want to look back through his otherwise unremarkable life.Of course,more than winning,look back at your losses.Atleast you'll learn from them.

What i love about winning is that the feeling that you get through your body when you win is this perfect mix of an adrenaline rush and a really happy feeling.Winning is fun,but too much of it can get a lil boring,Ask me,i'll tell you all about it(I now sound like an overconfident obnoxious prick).

Oh yeah,watched Ta Ra Rum Pum,that's where i got the idea for this post.

Anyways,the song for today is Eye Of The Tiger by Survivor

Risin' up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive

So many times, it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive

Chorus:
It's the eye of the tiger, it's the cream of the fight
Risin' up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor stalks his prey in the night
And he's watchin' us all in the eye of the tiger

Face to face, out in the heat
Hangin' tough, stayin' hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For we kill with the skill to survive

chorus

Risin' up, straight to the top
Have the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

chorus

The eye of the tiger

Pain

2007-04-25T21:37:00.000+05:30

The word "pain" comes from the Latin: poena meaning punishment, a fine, a penalty. Pain is an unpleasant sensation; nociception or nociperception is a measurable physiological event of a type usually associated with pain and agony and suffering.

That's the definition for those of you who don't know what it means.Sometimes,we just go through life behaving like the burden of the whole world is upon us,Act like we are the only people who've got problems.But what i learned today was that if you truly need a reality check,make an effort of listening to the problems of others.At least,you will then realize that your life is not as bad as you make it out to be.

The thing about pain is,it can never be suppressed within you.It always comes out at the slightest provocation.But personally,what i feel is physical pain is anyday preferable to mental pain.That's because physical pain always subsides,but not mental pain.Mental pain leaves such ugly scars on your psyche that till you die,it stays with you.It's like they are around to tell you "Hey Asshole,You Fucked Up.And we are always gonna be around to remind you of it".Some people go through it because of their own mistakes,but some unfortunately face it due to the mistakes of others.Call it injustice,but unfortunately,nothing can be done most of the times.

Sometimes,i fantasize about what it could be if i had the power to wish away all the pain in my life.But when i look back,i realize that the pain that i received unexpectedly was like a wake up call.To be frank,it was like being splashed with really cold water as you sleep peacefully without any troubles.The wake up call alerted me to many eventualities.I understood that life is not always a cakewalk.Things aren't gonna be convenient all the time.Good times are never gonna stay.Even now,when i'm really happy,there's a little pain inside me that nags me so that i do not forget.But in spite of all this,even now,i don't feel prepared for what may happen in the future.I still fear pain.

Pertaining to the topic,here's a song.

3 Days Grace-Pain

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

You're sick of feeling numb
You're not the only one
I'll take you by the hand
And I'll show you a world that you can understand
This life is filled with hurt
When happiness doesn't work
Trust me and take my hand
When the lights go out you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all

Anger and agony
Are better than misery
Trust me I've got a plan
When the lights go off you will understand

Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing
Rather feel pain

I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you're wounded
You know (You know you know you know you know)
That I'm here to save you
You know (You know you know you know)
I'm always here for you
I know (I know I know I know I know)
That you'll thank me later

Pain, without love
Pain, can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain than nothing at all
Rather feel pain

Relief!!(Atleast that's what i feel for now)

2007-04-23T18:02:00.000+05:30

Trust me,nothing feels better than that warm current of relief that passes through you when you've just had a narrow escape.Was kind of stuck in this weird situation which got resolved by itself(Don't they all?).Then came one of the most amazing weekends of my life.Met someone totally unexpected which again resolved a lot of stuff running through my mind.For now,i just hope that the flow continues.All i gotta do is go with it.As for the xams goin on,4 down and 3 left hanging over my head like the Grim Reaper's scythe.What makes it worse is the heat,especially inside the examination hall.1 more week to go before 2 months of fun,boredom and other such assorted stuff(The word vacation is an oxymoron while you are in school and in college).Then,thankfully,the city that's got my heart,Bangalore beckons.

Anyways,the song for this entry,Summertime Blues by Eddie Cochran.

i'm a-gonna raise a fuss, i'm a-gonna raise a holler
about a-workin' all summer just to try to earn a dollar
well one time i called my baby, tried to get a date
my boss says, no dice son, you gotta work late
sometimes i wonder, what i'm agonna do
but there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

oh well my main and papa told me
son you gotta make some money
if you wanna use the car to go ridin' next sunday
well i didn't go to work, told the boss i was sick
now you can't use the car 'cause you didn't work a-late
sometimes i wonder, what i'm a-gonna do
but there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

i'm gonna take two weeks, gonna have a fine vacation
i'm gonna take my problem to the united nations
well i called my congresman and he said quote
i'd like to help you son, but you're too young to vote
sometimes i wonder, what i'm a-gonna do
but there ain't no cure for the summertime blues

Realisation!

2007-04-19T20:15:00.000+05:30

Like in a previous post where i'd expressed about how i felt free,Today was another such day of realisation.I learnt a beautiful lesson from life which hopefully should guide me through in the future.I learnt that sometimes you are happier if you don't get what you want.I learnt this a little late,but i sure am glad that i did.Looking back in retrospect,i wonder why i felt this desire for something that was not meant for me.Maybe it was true want,maybe it was just due to the fact that it was out of my reach that made it more irresistible.But whatever it was,it controlled my mind too much.However,no such trouble now.

Coldplay-Talk

Oh brother I can't, I can't get through
I've been trying hard to reach you
Cos I don't know what to do
Oh brother I can't believe it's true
I'm so scared about the future and
I want to talk to you
Oh I want to talk to you

You can take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung, or do
Something that's never been done

Are you lost or incomplete?
Do you feel like a puzzle?
You can't find your missing piece
Tell me how do you feel?
Well I feel like they're talking in a language I don't speak
And they're talking it to me

So you take a picture of something you see
In the future where will I be?
You can climb a ladder up to the sun
Or write a song nobody has sung, or do
Something that's never been done, or do
Something that's never been done

So you don't know where you're going
But you want to talk
And you feel like you're going where you've been before
You'll tell anyone who will listen but you feel ignored
Nothing's really making any sense at all

Let's talk
Let's talk

Let's talk
Let's talk

Panic-stricken

2007-04-18T22:17:00.000+05:30

Panic is the primal urge to run and hide in the face of imminent disaster. It is a sudden fear which dominates or replaces thinking and often affects groups of people or animals.

That is the definition of Panic.But,how does Panic actually feel??Well,with me,panic is that sinking feeling in the gut when you know you are fucked.Why am i talking about panic?because that's what i'm feeling at the moment.Oooooh,i hate it.

All i can do is pray that the feeling passes

Funny Business

2007-04-16T19:38:00.000+05:30

Life's kinda interesting when you least expect it.The best part about life is that it never stops.Ups and downs keep coming your way.Kinda adds spice.You are always in suspense(like a person watching a Hitchcock movie)about what happens next.Today went pretty decent.Exams began today.Not some stupid unit test kinda thing,but the real thing!!!When I hear the word exams,the tension in the room becomes so thick,i could cut it with a knife.Anyways,today was English.The only paper which i actually enjoy writing.That's because,u can write any bullshit you want to and for a guy like me,It's heaven.Of course,finished it within 2 hrs coz was hungry(didn't have breakfast as usual)so,was kinda running out of energy.Came out,watched one of my crazier friends flirt like mad with a chick(of course,she walked off quickly lest he flip out).Then met my 2 best buddies(BB)and moved out of the place with them.Watched Bheja Fry today.Total laugh riot.Had a great laugh especially at the dialogues in the movie.Now,gotta watch out for Hindi day after.Total vernacular attack.Now currently,wondering what to do about Hindi.It's like a rash,not gonna go away by itself.So,gotta sit through the biographies of Gandhi,Socrates,Thyagaraja etc.Wish me luck!!.

Slightly Intoxicated

2007-04-14T22:36:00.000+05:30

Today was the 1st time in many days that i realised what freedom truly meant.I walked a free man today.As the cool wind caressed my face,i felt the exhilaration i hadn't felt in a long time.I didn't feel suffocated today by the weight of my feelings.I instead felt light.I felt like i was floating an inch above the ground.Of course,today i let go of a very heavy burden.My burden has been taken over by someone else.The burden wasn't mine,but i chose to lift it.In the beginning,the burden felt light,it didn't feel like a burden.But it grew heavier and heavier.I needed to get rid of it.I resorted to all means possible to get rid of it.But one day i came face to face with the truth.The truth is that since my burden was of my own making,i had to reduce it myself.Now,the truth had another part to it.If i ignored the burden it would go away.But the problem was that by now i had gotten used to the burden and so it was hard to wean myself away.And my burden slowly began to become a burden on others.They stopped listening,they stopped respecting me.Then,it dawned on me that i need to get rid of this burden not just for myself,but also for those who are with me for nobody should carry my burden.So,after a month of de-addiction,the burden is gone.I feel free.I feel proud of myself.I feel happy.I feel light.I just hope the feeling lasts.

Comfortably Numb-Pink Floyd(Kinda reflecting how i feel)
Hello.
Is there anybody in there?
Just nod if you can hear me.
Is there anyone home?

Come on, now.
I hear youre feeling down.
Well I can ease your pain,
Get you on your feet again.

Relax.
I need some information first.
Just the basic facts:
Can you show me where it hurts?

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I had a fever.
My hands felt just like two balloons.
Now I got that feeling once again.
I cant explain, you would not understand.
This is not how I am.
I have become comfortably numb.

Ok.
Just a little pinprick. [ping]
Therell be no more --aaaaaahhhhh!
But you may feel a little sick.

Can you stand up?
I do believe its working. good.
Thatll keep you going for the show.
Come on its time to go.

There is no pain, you are receding.
A distant ships smoke on the horizon.
You are only coming through in waves.
Your lips move but I cant hear what youre sayin.
When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse,
Out of the corner of my eye.
I turned to look but it was gone.
I cannot put my finger on it now.
The child is grown, the dream is gone.
I have become comfortably numb.

Desecration Smile

2007-03-31T23:49:00.000+05:30

Have always been a fan of Red Hot Chili Peppers,Love the voice of Anthony Kiedis,kinda reminds me of Coldplay's Chris Martin.Very smooth and liquid.Add to that,John Frusciante at the guitar,amazing

This is their latest single Desecration Smile,what a song.Download it when you can.

All alone not by myself
Another girl bad for my health
I've seen it all thru someone else
(Another girl bad for my health)
Celebrated but undisturbed
Serenaded by the terror bird
It's seldom seen but it's never heard
(Serenaded by the terror bird)
Never in the wrong time or wrong place
Desecration is the smile on my face
The love i made is the shape of my space
My face my face
Disintergrated by the rising sun
A rolling black out of oblivion
And I'd like to think that I'm your #1
(I'm rolling black out of oblivion)
I wanna leave but I just get stuck
A broken record runnin' low on luck
There's heavy metal coming from your truck
I'm a (a broken record runnin' low on luck)
We could all go down to
Malibu and make some noise
Coca Cola doesn't do the justice
She enjoys
We could all come up with
Something new to be destroyed
We could all go down
I love the feeling when it falls apart
I'm slow to finish but quick to start and
Beneath the heather lies the meadowlark
And I'm
(Slow to finish but quick to start)

Another Afternoon

2007-03-31T16:31:00.000+05:30

The worst feeling on earth i feel is to be lonely.Now,I am not exactly an extrovert.I don't really desire the company of a lot of a people.In fact,there are times when i enjoy my solitude.But there are times when loneliness really bites my ass hard.This can be truly called a hopeless situation,It's close to exam-time,your friends are busy studying and you aren't in the mood.You try reaching out to them,but they have made themselves inaccessible.You wonder what to do to remove loneliness,but you have absolutely no clue what to do.Been sitting in my room for hours now listening to the same old music again.Sting belts out Soul cages from my speakers making me too feel trapped in my own cage.Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah,being alone sucks!!!!!

Night Time

2007-03-30T23:19:00.000+05:30

Kinda quiet out here at night.All i can hear is the fan creaking.It's on its last legs and wheezing out what it thinks is a refreshing breeze.I'm wondering what movie to watch now,Sort of difficult to choose from around a 100 odd DVDs.Might settle for something or the other.The night's just begun and it's a long haul ahead.Am hungry,but not in the mood to eat yet.Might end up eating the Hide'n'Seek that's hiding in the kitchen cupboard.

Long Time No Blog

2007-03-29T15:56:00.000+05:30

Kinda Hard to figure out how i'm feeling at the moment.As i type this,i can feel the heat of the afternoon sun pierce through my skin and hit my bones.Sweat is trickling down my neck and my brain is questioning my soul "Why the fuck are you typing this?".Well to be frank,even i'm not able to figure it out.Personally,all i need at the moment is some hard loud rock music and one hell of an adrenaline rush. Haven't shaved in a week,my beard itches.I wish i had an alterego like Tyler Durden who'd tell me what to do at the moment.Kinda stuck alone missing people who are far away.Want to run to them and stay by their side,but circumstances are against it.Personally I just wanna run,run to no place in particular.Just run till my feet scream enough.

My 1st blog

2006-02-24T01:45:00.000+05:30

As i write this,I am wandering between the realm of Sleep and Concentration.

Hell,I just finished watching a crappy romantic comedy My Best Friend's Wedding.When i finished watching it,I realised 1 thing.Only 3 types of people watch such sloppy,mushy Romantic comedies:-
1) The members of the Opposite sex
2) Gay People and
3) Metrosexuals(Men who are comfortable with their feminine side like David Beckham who unwinds by wearing his wife's underwear).

Ok,I have to admit that the movie was kinda funny,But come on,Who the hell am i kidding.I almost threw up my lunch(Pizza,Chicken Wings and Coke)at the climax when Julia Roberts's Gay Friend (Played nicely by Rupert Everett who was the only likeable character in the movie) goes straight at the end of the movie (and u thought Miracles occur only in Hindi Movies)

For some reason I've turned Masochistic by subjecting myself to some Inhuman torture by watching some awful Romantic comedies(Too many to name),But then I redeemed myself in my eyes by buying some Action movie DVDs.Speaking of movies There was a good movie i saw last night called Mean Streets.Brilliant movie in which the Ultimate team (Martin Scorsese and Robert De Niro) teamed up for the 1st time.The Main lead is however Harvey Keitel who masterfully underplays his role.But this is a movie i would recommend only to my male cousins.

Growing up among women has subjected me to some of the crappiest movies i've ever seen.Otherwise would a sane guy watch movies like Serendipity (I feel pity for the guy who made this crap),Notting Hill(Should've been called Rotting Hill) Sweetest Thing (Only thing sweet here was Cameron Diaz with 2 over the hill anorexic actresses Whatsername and UglyfreakfromMars).Now How much crap can a sane guy take.I put my foot down and started gathering a collection of some Action movies,Gangster movies and Dirty Sex comedies which a gal wouldn't even touch.

One Advice to the guyz out there,If u'r gal forces u to watch a chick flick,She's a sadist and will subject u to even more Sadistic tendencies in the future.So to all the red blooded males out there(Watch out) Thats all for now,Will write more later.....................